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Okay, what’s the deal with sticking two guys in a small space, stripping them down to their underwear and then squirting them with water till they’re nice and moist? Let me tell you, there’s only two places this goes on: super gay Squeeze Night at the CockTale Castle, and super gay MMA promos.

It makes sense for the CockTale Castle, since they’re trying to be as gay as possible. That’s kinda their thing. I mean hey … even their name is an awesome ass sex double entendre. But I don’t really get why MMA is using the same tactics.

The ‘promo staredown’ used to be a fairly tasteful thing. It was part of a package that also included each fighter looking buff and sweaty. But somehow some genius decided to combine the staredown with the buff sweatyness, which just tipped the whole affair over the cliff of coolness into the chasm of cheeseball.

Jackal GonzoDamon posted this pick up in the forums from MMAWeekly. Note the fountain of blood squirting out of Stevenson’s head. No wonder everyone ate UFC80 up like the dogs they are … it satisfied all our primal urges. Knockouts, beatdowns, comebacks, bloodbaths. It had everything*.

*except for a quality fast paced war between two equally skilled opponents where fighters showed their skill and versatility on the ground and on the feet. And if any of you bastards say Kelly/Taylor I’ll reach through your computer screen and slap you in the face.

Out of all the things the IFL needed to change, I don’t think their logo was one of them. Or rather, if they wanted to change their logo then at least they could have made it look less cartoony. Now it just looks like an uglier version of the old one. Rebranding means taking something in a new direction, not redoing something in the same style. The goddamn thing still looks like it was designed by a teenager learning Adobe Illustrator.

Anyways, this is just the first of many changes apparently. The IFL will be holding a press conference on Wednesday to try and prove to everyone that they don’t suck anymore. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. You guys know me … I’m like a dumb chick who keeps on going back to the retard that beats her. I’ll never learn that the IFL keeps talking about changing, but never really does.

(Behold: the K1 Max 2008 girls)

It was a quiet day in MMA land … apparently everyone blew their loads yesterday and now there’s not really anything else to say. I just want to take a moment to promise that these daily wrapups don’t mean we’re going to cut down on standard posts. You’re still going to get your standard 6-8 a day as well, except on occasional days such as today where I only post once or twice because you’re not my mom and I’ll do as I damn well please.

Jake O’Brien vs Andrei Arlovski
Joe Silva confirmed that Arlovski would ‘most likely’ face Jake O’Brien at UFC82. You may remember Jake as that ultra-fluffy blanket who sucks balls. But hey, he’s really good at smothering people, so it’s a perfect way to send Andrei Arlovski packing in disgrace.

Dana White claims CroCop’s undecided
I love it when the UFC lies because they don’t realize that there’s factual information out there that contradicts what they’re saying. Dana White claims that Mirko CroCop is still ‘undecided about his future’. Mirko CroCop would tend to disagree.

Fighter bonuses go down
Oh, the humanity! Fighter bonuses went down 20k to 35k per bonus. This is a direct result of the UFC realizing that the 55k bonuses weren’t encouraging the fighters to do any better or worse in the octagon.

MMAMania has an idea
The guys at MMAMania suggest that Marcus Davis should fill in for injured Akihiro Gono against Jon Fitch. I can’t say I disagree, although the skill difference between the guys Davis has been fighting and Fitch are … yeah. Pretty huge.

Fedor and Randy meet up
If you wanted to know what’s more gay than Affliction shirts, you now have your answer: Affliction commercials. Having two half naked men dripping with liquid staring into eachother’s eyes is just kinda sorta a tad bit homo. Just in case you didn’t know.

Tomasz Drwal off UFC81
Some polish dude who was gonna fight David Heath is off the card because he injured his knee. My advice: replace him with Babalu!

Alvin Robinson thinks he’s going to win
MMA Digest has an interview with Alvin Robinson, who’s taking on Nate Diaz this Wednesday. Alvin got absolutely ruined against Kenny Florian and then redeemed himself somewhat by playing Jorge Gurgel’s face like a drum for three rounds. How will his next outing go? I’m going to say Nate will pull off a Florian-style victory.

On the heels of Kelly/Taylor being awarded fight of the night, I give you more confounding news from the UFC: they’ve decided to give Fabricio Werdum a title shot based on his win against Gabriel Gonzaga. You know how I know this is retarded? Because MMA Junkie had to write up a huge article explaining the UFC’s decision and why it ‘made sense’.

You and I both know that past calling ring girls retarded, Dann from MMA Junkie isn’t forthright with his opinions. He’s simply not the kind of guy to put anything in his posts unless it’s required to give context to the situation. This article HAD to be written to keep the legions of readers on his site from wondering “What the fuck is up with that???”

But Dann’s right … the reason Werdum gets a shot is because there’s really no one else around to put into contention. The UFC seems to have fucked up it’s relationship with it’s top three heavyweights: Couture, Arlovski, and Crocop. Past that the only guy in that division they have on a winning streak is Cheik Kongo, who still needs more seasoning before being able to hold a candle to the blowtorch that is the average MMA fighter’s ground game.

Of course, the UFC could fix this situation by getting off it’s high horse and offering Josh Barnett a nice pile of money to get back in the action. Or hell, how about kissing and making up with Arlovski and CroCop? It’s not bloody likely, unfortunately. Which is too bad, because if the UFC wasn’t so busy shooting itself in the foot perhaps we’d be getting to see a four way battle to the belt in the form of Arlovski, Kongo, CroCop, and Werdum.

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