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We’re getting a decent surge in traffic from forums regarding our petition to make UFC Fight Night 13 a three hour show. For those of you visiting (and those lazy fucks already here as well), I encourage you to check out our weekly webcomic. We’ve been regular like metamucil the past month on this bad boy, and things are starting to heat up with a lawsuit from the UFC.

I know, I know. You’re used to webcomics that suck dangly old man balls. But just like our radio show, our webcomic is actually GOOD. So you should really go check it out now. And every Friday morning when the next one is out. Do it. Peer pressure. Do it. Do. It. Yeah. That’s right bitch.

Just a quick reminder that the UFC is pulling out all the freaking stops for UFC Fight Night 13. They just officially announced a number of rumored fights, making the card officially the most insane card in SpikeTV history. Check this shit out:

Officially announced bouts for UFC Fight Night 13:
-Kenny Florian vs. Joe Lauzon
-Karo Parisyan vs. Thiago Alves
-Matt Hamill vs. Stephan Bonnar
-Marcus Aurelio vs. Spencer Fisher
-Din Thomas vs. Josh Neer
-Clay Guida vs. Samy Schiavo
-Tommy Speer vs. Anthony Johnson

Rumored bouts, not yet officially announced:
-Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard
-Houston Alexander vs. James Irvin

“Hey Fightlinker” you say. “This does me no goods. Spike TV will only show like 4 fights. That sucks!” Not so, my friend. There’s a chance that we could be seeing more than that:

That [a three hour show] has been kicked around the office. It is up to Spike. We have suggested it,” said Dana White.

So now we have a chance to do something good. Before I urged you all to support the Keith Jardine Techno Viking petition. But deep down in our hearts we all new Keith was too much of a welly to ever go through with it. So now I say we do something that may actually make a difference. Let’s contact Spike and harass them until they agree to make UFC Fight Night 13 a three hour show. Their email is [email protected]

If you’re too lazy to write a real letter, you can copy and paste this one:

Subject: UFC Fight Night 13 on April 2nd

Dear Benevolent Spike TV Executives

How about making UFC Fight Night on April 2nd a three hour show instead of two? I don’t know if you pay attention to stuff like this (you are probably pretty busy finding manswers to all our questions), but the fight card is pretty damn spectacular. I don’t know how ratings work, but I am confident in saying that if you make this show one hour longer, your ratings will quadrouple. Hell, they’ll probably tetracize. This results in more money for you, which you can spend on more James Bond marathons or more golden beds full of hot women. And it will also result in more happiness and joy for us, your loyal MMA watching fan.

So please, make UFC Fight Night on April 2nd a three hour show instead of two. You say that you are a network for men. It is time to prove this claim. Help me Spike TV, you’re my only hope. That was a star wars reference. Sweet.

Insert your name here.

As a side note, they’re actually pretty good at responding to emails they receive. I wrote them a long letter regarding their scaling back of Star Trek shows and they responded quite politely (even though I used the word ‘asshole’ and ‘space-jews’ a lot). They were also nice enough not to add me onto some shitty network email list, which is more than I can say about the UFC’s contact email.


**UPDATE** Xavier has done another great email you can send instead:

Hello Spike peoples,

You are going to show UFC Fight Night 13. You are going to make it three hours long, rather than two hours long. I can speak confidently about you making it three hours long because I have just told you to do so. FN13 is a stacked card. I wish to see all of these fights live. You may wonder why you will do this simply because I told you to.

You will do it because if you do, I will watch all your awful commercials. Yes, even the awful f’n body spray stupid commercials you show, and even the stupid horror movie commercials you show. I’ll even be nice enough to watch your commercials for other shows on your network, like the dumb shows where males go ga-ga about oversized breasts and where animals attack alien warships and crap in the “unstaged” real wilderness home movies.

I will watch all of those commercials over the three hour period and you will show all the fights over that three hours. That will be our devil’s bargain. Otherwise, I will DVR your show and skip your crappy commercials.

This is a fair deal, please signify your acceptance by the end of February.


I used to think that balance balls (also known as yoga balls, bitch balls, and homo gym equipment) weren’t much use for MMA. The only reason I liked em is because the girls at my local gym would always have their boobs hanging out whenever they were doing anything on them. So when Hywel Teague asked me to post a video on my blog relating to a balance ball, I was a bit hesitant. After all, I like Hywel, but his rack is nothing to write home about.

But then I actually took the time to watch the video and it blew my mind. I’m still in the thick of jiu-jitsu at the moment and I only recently started to gain balance when on top of guys. This looks like a great way to improve that and transitions.

I tried to do what Hywel Teague did with his balance ball and nearly put my foot through my television set. Which would have been bad, since it’s actually my ex-girlfriend’s television set. And although I would have probably pretended to be all like “That’s what you get, I was so angry I kicked your TV in”, I’m not really hardcore like that and I would have felt kinda bad about it.

I hate the fact that stupid dipshit outlets like the Sun get to do Q&A with Dana White. I hate it because they never ask the right questions. Even when they let their readers ask the questions, they still don’t ask the same questions. I understand it … I get that us hardcore people represent like 1% of the population and we’re not the ones buying stupid gem-encrusted UFC shirts or TUF necklaces. But come on. Throw us a freaking bone.

(Just as a side note, Steve Cofield has asked people to send him some hard questions for Dana White which he’ll toss either during an interview or at a press conference. So go send him your curveballs.)

The only good question asked by a Sun reader was regarding M1 allowing Fedor to fight in the UFC, and Dana White dodged it.

Dana, why did you turn down M1’s offer to let Fedor fight Randy in the UFC? Is there any chance Randy Couture will face Fedor in a UFC show, and if not, will we ever see ‘The Natural’ compete in the Octagon again? – Steve, Liverpool

White: “I tried to make that fight for months but I’m not getting into some b***s*** posturing. Fedor isn’t a real fighter, he’s a complete joke.He’s fighting middleweights and guys who have absolutely no business fighting – and he’s looking like s*** doing it. It’s 2008 and he hasn’t had a real fight since 2005. I don’t care about what he did in PRIDE years ago – he can’t live with anyone in the top five in the UFC and that’s why he’s not here.

“He’s not in the UFC because if he was he couldn’t avoid real competition like he’s been doing for years now. And Randy Couture knows all of that, believe me. Let me tell you – Chuck Liddell knocked Randy Couture out – out cold – twice and that’s why Randy retired. Chuck ended his career as a top light heavyweight and that’s why he retired. Then after being done and gone for a year he calls me on my cell phone saying “Dana, I want to come back as a heavyweight and fight Tim Sylvia – can you make it happen? We make that happen, we give Randy Couture that huge opportunity and now Randy Couture is refusing to give a fighter like Antonio Nogueira that exact same opportunity he was given.

I don’t know why Dana even dodged the question. He could easily say that it makes zero business sense to team up with the competition and support some insane boxing style form of promoting. I’d love to hear his real thoughts and some facts on the proposed M1 co-promotion rather than the sound bytes he’s throwing to try and discredit Fedor. Those are so 2007, ya know?

The video says “Hit Me”, which is exactly what I’d like to do to Sean Sherk. I’d like to punch him right in the lip, perhaps on the side that doesn’t have a huge herpes sore on it. Sherk does his standard asshole talking points which make me want to gouge his eyes out Rutger Hauer/Bladerunner style. First he claims he proved he was innocent (false), then he says he’s still the champion (douche). Goddamn I can’t wait to see BJ Penn clean this guy’s clock.

It’s funny … I never actually thought the guy knowingly took steroids but at this point I’ve lost all sympathy for him with the way he’s acted throughout this whole ordeal. If he wants to maintain his innocence, then good for him. There’s 1001 ways of doing that without coming off like a total cock. I don’t know how many ways there are to be a cock about it, but Sherk sure is trying to find out.

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