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I dunno what’s up with Steve Cofield lately … his blog has gone from being an occasional post here and there to being nonstop goodness. Perhaps his girlfriend/wife/gay lover just dumped him? I know when my relationship fell apart I turned to the warm gooeyness of my blog for comfort. I haven’t figured out where to put my penis yet, but I’m confident a USB-compatible solution to that problem is forthcoming.

Today Steve asks the question: “Who’s the Yoko of MMA? Jenna Jameson or Kim Couture?”

And to that I answer: Neither of them. Both Tito Ortiz and Randy Couture were little bitches before they got involved with their no-good tampering women. I don’t think I have to go too deep into Tito’s history with the UFC … the guy’s infamous for being hard to deal with, ducking Chuck Liddell forever and constantly demanding more money. But not many people know about Randy Couture’s history of contractual squabbles. Here’s a little for ya:

Couture decided to turn pro as a UFC competitor in 1997 and met with success right off the bat. He won the first UFC event he was ever involved with (UFC 13), tearing through Tony Halme and Steven Graham to win the tournament, then turned around five months later to put himself immediately into the UFC heavyweight title picture by scoring a stoppage over Vitor Belfort in what was at the time considered quite an upset. Two months after that (December 1997), in just his fourth UFC fight, he won the heavyweight crown by decision over the veteran Maurice Smith.

Subsequent to that, because Couture could not come to terms on contractual arrangements with the UFC, he wound up being stripped of the title and left the organization entirely, moving on to Japan where he competed for the most part with the “RINGS” promotion.

There’s also the news that back in the day Randy refused to participate in photo shoots or the UFC video game over money issues as well. Long story short, Randy has always been susceptible to the whole “You deserve more” attitude. So I dunno if Kim really played too much of a part in the money issues between the two parties.

I will, however, speculate on the fact that Kim was the one blowing up and distorting all of the ‘disrespect’ the UFC was apparently sending Randy’s way. I don’t think anyone on the outside could say with a straight face that Randy was being disrespected by the UFC. So in that way I will award Kim the “Yoko” crown.

Tito didn’t need imaginary reasons to feel disrespected by the UFC … every time Dana White opened his mouth he called Tito a moron and his girlfriend an idiot. But it really takes a crazy meddling chick to brainwash Randy into thinking the UFC disrespected him.

(see, how can you hate Chuck for getting all the chicks when he’s always got this look on his face where he’s like “OMG LOL AWESOME!!!!”)

Ian Freeman unretires (again again)
I’ve officially lost count of how many times Ian has come out of retirement to fight again. This time it’s for the Cage Rage LHW belt against Paul Cahoon in May.

Sammy Vasquez autopsy report pending
Everyone’s still waiting for Sammy Vasquez’s autopsy report to finalize so we can feel either more or less guilty about the sport’s involvement. This Sherdog article also contains a roundup of all combat sport deaths in Texas and the results.

Ryan Gracie autopsy report says “Drugs”
Jeez, lots of death talk on this site lately. The autopsy for Ryan Gracie says that he died due to a combination of illegal drugs and prescription medication. The Gracie family is blaming the doctor who gave Ryan medication, saying “How could the doctor not know that Ryan was always high on illegal drugs? Everyone in South America knows that.”

Is Anderson Silva too boring?
Mr Sunshine makes the argument that Anderson Silva’s just too damn nice to sell. Guess he’s never met Georges St Pierre. Also worth noting are the spectacular executions Anderson is well known for. A few more brutal wins and the world will warm up to him, I’m sure.

HCF replaces Evangelista “Cyborg” Santos with some guy
Hardcore Championship Fighting has decided that rather than risk losing their headliner via possible injury, they’d rather just axe him off the bat to show him who’s boss.

Mark Hunt signing with DREAM?
According to Japan MMA, Mark Hunt was hanging out with DREAM executives at the DEEP show on Friday night. I’ll let you guys figure out where that one is going on your own.

NPR Radio sucks balls (featuring Chuck Liddell)
Dear fucking God does NPR radio suck. They had Chuck Liddell on, and they quizzed him on retarded ultra-obscure Bush family trivia. It was the lamest shit I’ve ever heard in my life. I want to punch everyone involved in the face, and tell them they’re too stupid to go to college. Then I’ll force them to work in a steel mill. Yeah. Now THAT is good radio.

Hermes Franca is a free agent
Note to Hermes: next time ask the commission if you’re allowed to fight outside the country before you request to be let out of your UFC contract.

More proof that Mark Cuban is the devil
I’ve already said that Mark Cuban is all too willing to destroy everything that MMA is right now to make Randy vs Fedor happen. Now he’s talking about teaming up with the WWE. I know he’s enticing us with all this sweet HD MMA. But come on, people! He’s obviously evil.

(Above)Crocop just wants to have fun: This would be funny if it was anyone. It’s fucking drop dead hilarious because it’s Crocop. Extra crazy points go to the chick at the end for tackling the cameraman. And who says Croatia is all toil and suffering???

The rest of the videos are embedded after the jump!

The technique behind Minotauro’s win: Check out this video to see in slow motion the end of the Sylvia/Nog fight. I didn’t notice the awesome technique Minotauro uses to pull Sylvia down, keep him from getting up, and then to submit him. Fucking beautiful.

Toughman competitions are retarded: I have no idea how this shit is legal. What’s worst? The size difference between these two guys, the fact that one of the guys is drunk off his ass, or the fiasco at the end where the fighter throws the ref out of the ring?

Douglas Dedge MMA Death: Well, this is fucking morbid. This contains the fight plus some post fight footage I haven’t seen before showing the paramedics trying to revive Dedge. It’s a bit disturbing, but if you’re gonna be a fan or participant in MMA you should understand the very real dangers of the sport.

Strikeforce weigh-ins: I like how everyone laughs when Jan Nortje takes his shirt off. Also worth noting is Maurice Smith’s grandpa belly.

Aleksander Emelianenko vs Ricardo “Mutant” Morais: Another insane beatdown from Fedor’s little brother. Once this dude starts hitting you, he just doesn’t stop until you fall over.

James Fanshier Highlights: I don’t know who the fuck this James Fanshier guy is, but he certainly seems like a crazy fucking bastard. Some of those jumps, kicks, and drops are just outta this world.

Undisputed – Fedor Emelianenko vs. Randy Couture: Here’s the first of what I imagine will be many fan-made highlights showing clips of Randy and Fedor kicking the shit out of people. In anticipation of their match in 2012.

Minotauro vs Dan Henderson Highlight: Awesome highlight of this battle. Makes me wanna go out and find the full thing. Everything a highlight should be!

The technique behind Minotauro’s win

Toughman competitions are retarded

Douglas Dedge MMA Death

Strikeforce weigh-ins

Aleksander Emelianenko vs Ricardo “Mutant” Morais

James Fanshier Highlights

Undisputed: Fedor Emelianenko vs. Randy Couture

Minotauro vs Dan Henderson Highlight

When Brock Lesnar faced off with Frank Mir in the octagon, the UFC learned what Japan has known for years and years: Freakshows sell like hotcakes. UFC81 became one of the best selling UFCs in the company’s history … not off the fact that Brock Lesnar had legit amateur wrestling credentials, but because Brock Lesnar is a former WWE superstar with a penis on his chest. Okay, maybe the penis thing wasn’t a factor. But I can’t bring up Cock Chestnar without mentioning his … er … cock chestnar.

Another freak is Bob Sapp, and Japan did it’s best to put him up against the strangest competition ever to great success:

There were the big pro wrestlers, including a 6-7, 345-pound German billed as “The White Bob Sapp,” that was the older brother of Japan’s most famous sumo, as well as a huge Russian arm wrestling champion. On Dec. 31, 2003, he had his most famous match ever, knocking out 6-8, 485-pound Akebono, an early ’90s sumo legend in the culture, in a match viewed by 54 million people – nearly half the country.

Half the fucking country. HALF of Japan. Of course, you’d be kidding yourself to think that North America is any different. After all, we live in a place where more votes are cast for American Idol than for the president of the USA. You’re seeing signs now that promoters over here are ‘getting it’. There’s always been the smaller promotions featuring midgets or boxers with AIDS, but now there’s bigger examples. Strikeforce with Bob Sapp. EliteXC with Kimbo Slice. And of course the UFC with Brock Lesnar.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing … I’m actually a big fan of the freakshow so long as it doesn’t tie up real talent *cough* Fedor *cough*. So as long as it’s kept down to one or two fights per event and Georges St Pierre isn’t involved, we’re cool.

Little addition to the ‘What’s up this weekend’ post: Klitschko vs. Ibragimov, which is a boxing heavyweight title unification bout. Klitschko is the heavy favorite in this one, and while I haven’t seen him, I did see Ibragimov coast to an unimpressive decision against ancient Evander Holyfield. So I’m also saying Klitschko will win. Just don’t bet your house on what I say. I can’t even beat the MMA Girl.

While this specific fight may not be that important, it’s a very huge step in the right direction for boxing as they unify the IBF, IBO, and WBO heavyweight belts. This event goes down on HBO tonight at 9:30.

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