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My Fucking Night

Before I casually explain what I was doing after one of the most awe inspiring win I’ve seen in a long time, my heart goes out to every Jackal who may or may not have been stuck outside, casually waiting for their dicks to freeze off while desperately pushing their way to some over-crowded club. Also, I’m sorry my night was probably cooler than yours.

It didn’t actually start off very fantastically. After being ditched by Ryan and our friend Matthew Polly (who’s a great writer and hilarious drinking buddy. Seriously, buy his fucking book), i headed back home to change and consider my options for the night, which were limited. I opted to go to one of the few bars that actually showed the fucking fight (there were probably, truth be told, only a dozen bars in the whole city that showed the fight. Many who did not were actually next door to the Bell Center. Fucking shameful)

A friend of mine and I ended up in the Old Port, the only place left that had any chance of not being completely full. Next to us, we saw a guy who looked at first glance I mistook for Chris Angel, and he was being followed around by someone with an expensive looking high def camera.

Watching the fights was pretty effortless affair. Although my companion was less than familiar with MMA, the Danzig, Franklin and Bisping fights were epic enough that even he was totally hypnotized. I remember making a lot of comments (and I mean screaming out) about how Khalib Starnes was done; that this was his last fight in the UFC. That’s when this tattooed gentlemen and I started interacting.

Turns out the guy was a Glam Rock singer called Robin Black, who’s trying to transition his love of MMA into an actual fighting career. He explained that his rather unique “Emo” look has made him the most hated man on Sherdog. I instantly like him.

When the GSP fight was over, and after about a good 15 minutes of yelling, he suggested we head over to Quinton Jackson’s party. Although it was super exclusive, he seemed convinced that he would have no problem sneaking us in. Since Ryan was still busy with his press conference BS, it was not an opportunity I was going to pass up.

We were handed a bunch of camera equipment, since him and his entourage were actually some of the crew members of “The Score”, a Canadian sports channel based out of Toronto. With his Rockstar attitude, he easily breezed us all in.

The place was literally drowning in some of the hottest vagina I’d ever seen in my life. The walls glistened with the sweat of a hundred beautiful women, all of them dancing and drunk out of their minds. We lingered downstairs for a while, but the ambitions of Mr. Black were clearly marked at the VIP room. After scoring a few badges, and a lot of clever equipment holding, we got in there too.

At first, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be discovered as a complete fraud, but miraculously, I hear my name yelled out from the crowd. “Jake, is that you?” I turn around and see none other than Ariel from Jarry Park, who seems extremely pleased and unsurprised to see me. He has no idea I’ve frauded my way into this place, but his presence there completely legitimizes me. He explains about some new arrangement he’s made with Arianny concerning sexy pictures, but before he can comprehend what the fuck he’s talking about, I realize I’m at the same party the ring girls are at (Ariel, we’ll talk later and you can explain everything to me again man!).

For the record, I now have to officially remove my endorsement of the horseface comment I made about Edith. I know this sounds weird, but I totally figured out why she looks so terrible on camera or in pictures. She’s not terribly photogenic, but holy shit, in person, when she’s relaxed and not making her kissy face, she’s surprisingly attractive. I almost feel bad, but I remember that no one gives two shits about Fightlinker, so I calm down again.

Most of the night I’m enjoying some free food (including some killer ribs), and drinking some fucking energy drink called “Takedown”. I tried to look them up this morning, but these guys are fucking non-existent on Google. I actually get to sit next to the girls for a little while, but considering i really have nothing to say to them, and I hate the idea of looking like a fan boy, I content myself to basking in the Twilight Zone I’ve suddenly fallen into.

Mike Bisping shows up at the party, and although on TV I found him a little emaciated, in person he looks healthy, and happy as a clam. Everyone is crowding around him, and I get lost in a sea of affliction t-shirts and Guido hairstyles. I’m too busy stuffing my face and hearing stories from Robin about all the hate he gets for putting on eye shadow. I tell him that as long as he can bang, no one should give a shit. Besides, it’s not like he has a tattoo of a dick on his chest or anything.

The night comes to a close, and I steal as much shit as I possibly can, including one of the pillows Arianny used to lay down her perfect tiny head (we’ve got plans together later I figure). We get outside to get our bearings and sober up a little. A bunch of drunk morons suddenly break into a fight, and one Guido gets beaten up with his own shoe while her overly made-up girlfriend yells bloody murder. It feels like your typical night out on the town after a fight, so Tom and I head for the long trek home.

Not two minutes after we walk down the street does some strange guy come and ask us to borrow our cell phones to send a text to his friend in the nearby hotel room that has forgotten to let him in. Tom does the texting himself, and he’s trying to contain the laughter as we walk away. Turns out his text read “Hey man, I’m freezing my nads off. Come downstairs. I love you”. We both burst out laughing uncontrollably, and head home.

My night actually officially ended at 6 am, after I woke up with my stomach dutifully protesting against some subtle poison it’s consumed. After vomiting red shit, I worry it’s perhaps blood, but realize it’s the shitty energy drink I had. I’m sure a vomit inducing drink will do very well in this overcrowded crappy market. Still, it seems a fitting end to a night of debauchery, voyeurism, and total James Bondian stealth action.

34 COMMENTS
  • robnashville says:

    the energy drink might have been throwdown, not takedown….. they are sponsors of the IFL and Arianny is an endorser as well as rampage…

  • Nate says:

    That Robin dude looks like a loser and a creeper, I can understand why he is so hated (total poser, ugly, homosexual?).

  • Drazzles says:

    No pussy? You guys are fucking Lame!

  • Burtonchik says:

    Trained w/ Robin @ Toronto BJJ, he’s a cool guy, and you’re a fag for calling him a fag…oh, and he could definitely beat you to a pulp.

  • Popetastic says:

    Sounds like a good night.

  • natureboy says:

    “I actually get to sit next to the girls for a little while, but considering i really have nothing to say to them, and I hate the idea of looking like a fan boy, I content myself to basking in the Twilight Zone I’ve suddenly fallen into.”

    So you never actually talked to the girls? Did Edith know who you were?

  • dulljake says:

    oh god no. I doubt she reads MMA blogs man.
    Oh, and Robin is fucking the man. Plus, he’s Canadian, so…yeah

  • First of all in my lovely womanly perpesctive I’ll tell you guys that unfortunately if I was UFC ring girl (which only would happen in a very chilly chilly hell), and some site was dogging how I looked, even in a loving manner, so much they printed up tee shirts, I’d faintly remember them. That being said, outside of Canadians and diehard American fans, ya I still don’t think you guys a quite big enough yet that she’d know. While on the otherhand with all the MMA industry people around her, its very possible someone could have told her about it. And even if not, I don’t know who in the hell wouldn’t get the drift after the famous “I’m with” t-shirts. But if anybody wouldn’t get it, it would probably be a UFC ring girl.

    And also in my woman’s perspective- Canadian EMO rock singers who love MMA are all that bad. Just look at Our Lady Peace, I go apeshit over them. Black may just be a marketing genius.

    And I’m sure Throwdown would love to hear your big-white bowl headed story about the energy drink they’re pushing like crack. Maybe the site will even end up getting a sponsorship deal out of it. ; )

  • Aaron says:

    Nothing against him, but I’d fight Robin Black. At the drop of a black, makeup-smudged hat. If there’s one promising part of him trying to branch out into MMA, it’s that they’ll have no trouble finding opponents……skilled opponents’ll be another matter, though.

  • dulljake says:

    we’ll talk about it a bit on the radio show. Should be good fun.

    Oh, and yeah, if i had to sneak into the party, we’re still too small time for anyone to give 2 shits about us.

  • andres says:

    Who tthe hell r all these new ppl godanm fightlinker is so gonna be overated shit
    Takedown danm it this sport is so gonna explode now this last fight card gave the mma world there poster boy

  • Atom says:

    andres,
    before complaining about other FL-frequenters, perhaps you should chip in for a membership, so your opinion matters a little more..

    ..Or just type better.

    I can but only imagine how high you are right now on this holiest of holy days.

  • garth says:

    fucking starnes.

    sounds like a fun night of goofing around. do you guys go to this stuff wondering “fuck, is this the night some fighter we’ve dogged remembers us?”

  • C-C-Combo Breaker! says:

    Dude,
    Was I tripping, or did I hear “boring, boring, boring” during the Starnes fight? That crowd was f—–g awesome!!

  • islandguy says:

    That was an “awe inspiring win”??? Try wearing your glasses next time. Watching 2 bouncers beating up a drunk is more awe inspiring than the ass kicking GSP gave that loser. Can’t believe they conned me into paying money for that shit. Not sure what could possibly be “inspiring” about that.

  • Threatis says:

    Robin Black isn’t only the most hated person on Sherdog, but the most hated person on the Canadian rock scene.

  • Gza says:

    Robin Black’s smoking hot wife doesn’t think he’s an ugly, gay poser.

    Here he is training with GSP, Mark Hominick, Sam Stout:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsTiaI5iMjs
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJUpBtBT44Q
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBLkKysjc6E

  • garth says:

    is “most hated guy on sherdog” a good thing or a bad thing? same with the canadian rock scene thing.

  • Holy shit, there’s websites up already, I really underestimated the level of hatred for him. He is a stupid fucker, aside from probably ousting himself from the UFC, he probably completely torpedoed his entire career.

    And if he was hurt, well, if your seriously so hurt your gonna have to fight like that, you shouldn’t have fought at all. It’s not like he was in the main event, or the match had any big meaning or anything, he could’ve easily gotten out of it if he was that injured. And if he couldn’t and the UFC dropped him for not fighting, well then at least he could’ve gone and fought for another big show, now nothing. He’s either the dumbest person alive or the biggest heartless fighter ever, either way, he deserves all the shit he’s gonna get over this.

    Sorry for ranting, but seriously who can blame me.

  • dignan says:

    I was actually banned a number of months ago from sherdog(in my one series of posts) for ripping Starnes a new one, and calling him a fucking pussy.

    He was beyond pussification in this last fight, and was up to his retarded antics at the end of the fight calling people faggots, and telling them to get into the ring and fight.

    He is so full of fucking excuses, and any realness of a fighter left him when that tall shitty fighter from TUF kneed him in the side and made him quit.

    Notice he had a COMPLETELY different corner…instead of American Top Team(whom called him a pussy after he quit with that axe gash, and he started screaming at…) he brought in his homeboys from Surrey or wherever the fuck they are from.

    What a bunch of fucking wankers. You know Starnes blamed ATT for his last loss etc. Man…I hope everyone who said I didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about admits to themselves that they don’t know shit from shinola.

    The running man by Quarry ruled, and Axe-GASH aka Pussy Starnes aka Starnes actually gave him the finger? The guy thumps you…the crowd is booing you, and he must think its everyone else.

    I really preferred that mechanical sprinkler move he pulled out. That fucking ruled.

    WAR QUARRY. WAR HORSEFACE.

  • ninjitsu says:

    Don’t mean to hijack the thread, but Adam Swift had a link to a good OTR show I missed: http://watch.tsn.ca/off-the-record/off-the-record—april-18-2008/#clip47134

    Dana was impressive, I think. He gave reasonable arguments, and he managed to be forceful without being a complete ass. I love the look on his face when they ask him the capital of Canada in the last clip 😉

    As for UFC 83 itself, did anyone else notice the “breaking peoples’ will” theme? Starnes, Lutter, McCarthy, and Serra all seemed to lack heart and give up.

    This was one of the most entertaining shows I’ve seen in a while: McCarthy making funny faces, Quarry’s running man, and the noise from the crowd! A+!

  • andres says:

    I do need a fuckin meberwship godanm first pay check imma have that fuckin star

  • andres says:

    I do need a fuckin meberwship godanm first pay check imma have that fuckin star

    Haven’t smoked yet waitin for 4.20 pm hahahahahaha smoked at 12.00 though lil drunk

  • airipsus says:

    that was awesome

  • zeke says:

    Dignan, I admit that I misjudged Kalib Starnes but c’mon. Up until yesterday, there wasn’t much reason for you to hate (hard to believe anybody can hate anybody they don’t even know) the guy so passionately. Having said that……Kalib is such a pussy! How can you fight like that in front of you home crowd? He didn’t even come to fight.

  • Dana may have been impressive, but the thing I found most interesting was him continuating man-love of Vince McMahon. Dave Meltzer put it best as he said, Dana will rip on everyone in the world given the chance, except Vince McMahon. Its very interesting that it seems to me, at least, Vince is almost like his idol. For the UFC’s sake though, I don’t think thats the best thing.

    As far as Starnes, post fight reaction; he called one of Quarry’s cornermen after the running man thing a f*ggot. I was appalled at how incredible stupid and small minded he was in addition to his utter overall unlikability.

    And I’m starting to get worried about Ryan. No updates yet. Jake might have to send out a search party.

  • robin black vs gsp
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsTiaI5iMjs

    normally i hate emo glam fags
    but i do like ppl who are hated by everybody

    and he can kick higher than i do :(

    so i guess hes the best of the worst or something like that hahaha

  • Taking back your horseface endorsement is weak sauce man… have some bloggerific integrity! Even Robin Black sticks to his guns.

  • dulljake says:

    haha, ok, but i seem to recall that Ryan is the one that really hates on her. I love women too much to be that critical.

  • Dude, I want a profile feature on Robin Black! Email me!

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