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MMA weekend guide: Who needs the UFC anyways?

If you’re checking Fightlinker at this time on Friday night, I’m assuming you’ve got a hot date with the Internet. Lemme help make that feel less sad and lonely. While there’s no UFC this weekend (or the weekend after), there’s still tons of MMA happening, a lot of which you can check out online! Here’s some of the offerings:

Bellator 63
They’re kicking off their welterweight tournament featuring Ben Saunders, Carlos Anexandre Pereira, and Russian prospect Andrey Koreshkov. Not in the tournament any more: War Machine (jail) and Brian Foster (scary medical clearance issues). For lovers of WMMA: Marianna ‘the Crushin’ Russian’ Kheyfets vs Munah Holland should be cool. No stream, but I hear there’s a magic box that plays this one at 8pm EST. 

Resurrection Fighting Alliance 2
Streaming on Sherdog tonight and headlined by Gilbert Yvel vs Houston Alexander. This card also features the return of Maurice Smith, Tara LaRosa, and everyone’s favorite gay-for-pay TUF washout Dakota Cochrane. The stream starts tonight at 9pm EST.

Eastern promotion ONE FC continues to roll along with solid shows, this time featuring Melvin Manhoef, Masakazu Imanari, Eduard Folayang, and a buttload of Asian fighters I don’t know. This event is also being streamed live on Youtube at 8AM EST Saturday morning.

Amazon Forest Combat 2
More UFC veterans than you can shake a stick at! Murilo Bustamante vs Dave Menne, Thales Leites vs Matt Horwich, Patrick Cote, Josh Burkman, Ronys Torres, plus Sokoudjou taking on Satoshi Ishii in a battle of the mediocre judo fighters! Can we stream it? As Obama said, “YES WE CAN!” Except this time it’s true! Saturday at 8PM EST

Someone needs to tell Worldwide Mixed Martial Arts that WMMA is already taken as an acronym. They’re not going cheap on the lineup which includes Sean McCorkle, Karo Parisyan, Lyle Beerbohm, Drew Fickett, and Darrill ‘Titties’ Schoonover vs Paul Buentello. Word is Fickett showed up to one of the WMMA functions drunk and had to be carried back to his hotel by Karo Parisyan. Who looks great in comparison, by the way. It’s like the old ‘bring an ugly friend to the bar with you’ thing.

I’ll set up the Fightlinker chat for all the streamy action but don’t expect me to show up. I’ve been using these non-UFC event weekends to get back into an old hobby of mine: masturbating in front of couples who are waiting for the bus. When I finish I go “Uuurgh ding ding jackpot!” and then charleston off into the night.

It’s sexier the way I do it.