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M1 travels through time to find opponent for Fedor

Unsatisfied with the crop of heavyweight contenders in the present day, M1 president Monty Cox has announced that M1 Global has traveled through time to secure an adequate opponent for their key star Fedor Emelianenko’s US debut in April.

“After months of searching for someone suitable for Fedor’s first match with M1 on US soil, we realized it wasn’t a question of who, but of when!” explains Cox, fresh from a trip through the space time continuum. “After much consultation with senior executives and users on the forums, we came to a decision: Fedor would fight Pedro Rizzo from early 2001.”

A student of early MMA legend Marcos Ruas, Pedro ‘the Rock’ Rizzo sported a 11-1 record in 2001, and was coming off dominant victories over Dan Severn and Josh Barnett. “People keep asking us ‘What about Barnett?’ Well, we’ve got the guy who just beat Barnett … in 2001!” says Cox. “That ought to shut the haters up.”

Fedor Emelianenko was respectful as always in his assessment of 2001 Pedro Rizzo’s skills. “Pedro seemed unstoppable in 2001. The Pedro Rizzo of today may be a washed up has-been, but make no mistake about it: Pedro Rizzo was one of the greatest heavyweights around. In 2001.”

Pending final contractual wrangling, this superfight across the boundaries of time will take place in Las Vegas sometime around April of 2008. As of now, there is still no word on who Fedor’s opponent will be for NYE … speculation holds that former PRIDE employees are currently awaiting the winner of this year’s “Freakshow Awards” and plan to offer the bout to the winner of either the Fattest or Tallest man award.

  • igorpunck says:

    But, is it going to be present day Fedor Vs 2001 Rizzo or 2001 Fedor Vs 2001 Rizzo. Wouldn’t they destroy the fragile fabric of the universe somehow? Not too sure how the paradox works.

  • Accomando says:

    “…Pedro Rizzo was one of the greatest heavyweights around. In 2001…”

    Hizo really was great a long time ago, so it won’t look so bad when Fedor loses to him.

  • frickshun says:

    Monte Cox is the #1 bidder right now on Ebay for an old DeLorean & a clock tower. He might just make you eat those words. Or . . . . . they’ll go bankrupt by 2009 b/c of their disasterous business decisions spending every nickel of investor’s money on 1 fighter.

  • jd says:

    Why havent they actually found an opponent for him yet? The fight is in 3 weeks.

  • Word in Korea is that Hong Man is already inked and ready to go. They might just be waiting for the stink of his K1 WGP performance to thin a bit before officially announcing it.

  • Dizzle says:

    ugh Ryan Fedor if I am correct Fedor has fought in america when he turned marc colemans face into hamburger meat.

    This isn’t his US Debut. I believe he had already fought in vegas.

  • Yeah, i know … but i wanted to differentiate between NYE and the US show. Basically I was saying for Fedor’s US debut with M1. Any other way of writing it was just awkward, so I let the technicality slide.

  • Coleman’s face wasn’t the destructive part, it was his arm. Coleman’s inability to recognize the first fight’s position in which he was submitted was Coleman’s second fight disadvantage. Terrible learning curve apparently for Coleman.

    Choi’s sloooooooow knee strikes and slooooooowww striking will just get him destroyed on NYE. Typical Japanese TV ratings war for NYE. Rizzo will get a wakeup call, Rizzo will collect a paycheck and move on.

  • intenso says:

    Fedor made the space-time continuum tap.

  • Jersey Tomato says:

    I see you are using the same Fedor photo from last week. Is this the only one you have on file? I can get you some more if you are should have any interest in keeping your site looking fresh. Just a thought….

    I saw Pedro Rizzo fight in an Art of War event earlier this year in which he took a decision from Justin Eilers. It was his first bout after being idle for 2 years and, not surprisingly, he looked somewhat rusty. He rocked Eilers a couple of times and the decision was unanimous. In Sept, he scored a 3rd round TKO against Jeff Monson in another Art of War event. (I didn’t see that so I can’t comment.) Rizzo is 33 years old now and attempting to revive his once- career. If he steps in the ring with Fedor, he may regret coming out of retirement.

  • Xavier says:

    He’s not actually going to fight Rizzo, is he?

    Tell me you’re completely joking and this isn’t you parodying a real announcement.

  • intenso says:

    I saw Pedro Rizzo fight Bill whatshisface on Human Weapon a few weeks ago.

  • Sorry for my ignorance but this is one of those satire stories, correct? It’s hard to tell because I can actually see M1 releasing something this moronic. All your completely satire-type stories should end with “as report from The Onion” or something so we at least know after reading the story. 😛

  • I like keeping you guys on your toes instead.

    And Xavier, sorry, but its true:

  • Xavier says:

    Hahahahaha, wtf. Wow. That’s unbelievable. That can’t be true.

  • MacDaddy says:

    Were Tank Abbott and Paul Buentello not available?

  • kentyman says:

    Did they follow Terminator rules, Back To The Future rules, or Timerider rules, which are just plain silly?

  • kentyman says:


  • jjdnb says:

    M-1 is a total joke. Fedor is now a joke too.
    I see this company going down quickly.

  • hankd says:

    I just can’t see this happening…not an Art of War card at least! Makes no sense…AoW is dead. They’re not even in the picture. Makes me question Meltzer’s report, which I never do because he’s the man.

  • AoW may still exist as assets etc. They’re holding Rizzo’s contract so they’d be the people to negotiate with. I never heard they were dead anyways … just that HDNet fucked them over and kicked em to the curb

  • shafoplata says:

    This seems about accurate… Its seems the only opponents suitable for Fedor would be:

    1) Randy Couture
    2) Flux Capacitor