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The Low Blow Episode 31: January Mailbag + Evan Tanner’s cock

This has to be one of the most offensive Low Blows ever recorded. We trash Luke Cummo’s nutritional system, talk about sharting and hemorrhoids, diss the new Sherdog radio show, fantasize about Evan Tanner’s penis, and lets not forget offend everyone who’s mexican. What can we say? Being offensive is easier than being witty, so we took the easy path tonight. Oh yeah, Sean Connery makes a comeback too. Consider it a late Christmas present.

Of course, as advertised this is the monthly mailbag show and we burn through your questions in a quick 76 minutes. My god … we are now officially FightOpinion length on a regular basis. Too long? Too short? Please tell us what you think in the comments. Your praise and scorn drives the site, so give it here!

Download the show here or check it out using the handy dandy audio applet to your right. iTunes users should see the show sometime around 10am Tuesday morning.

  • godzillad says:

    Every show should be 90 minutes. If you have to, just have a segment up of non MMA. For one anything you guys say is funny, and two the diversity (not the boat), not that it is needed, would be enjoyable.

    About to listen to the show gentlemen, hope Adam and Jake made a good one like always.

  • murcao says:

    Anything above 60 minutes from you guys is great. And even if it is shorter than 60 minutes, its still good.
    And I love the commercials you do.
    Keep up the good work.

  • TIGERTAO says:

    I dont think your fat asses can get it up and keep it up for 90 Minutes every show! Go ahead bitches prove me wrong…

  • Lifer says:

    love quoting the wikipedia as to the contents of gallstones. you can find a bunch of other websites where people have sent them into labs, including luke, to find out the contents and theyre mostly cholesterol, bile salts, and calcium.

  • MacDaddy says:

    lifer is a little touchy about his gallstones.

  • Wu Tang says:

    Awesome show! We love you, not in that way.. You put to shame to other radios. Sherdog radio is just a bastardized copy of fightlinker teams’ material, style and mojo. They blow, not like the low blow.

  • Accomando says:

    Jake, hillarious scewreing of the new “Life Foodist religion”.

    Life Foodists are part a new religion where raw food is god. To back this fact up about the parallel with life foodist being a new religion, you can tell by the way they are so defensive about it, as defensive as fundamental relgious people are about their particular relgion.

    They can’t have any people question them or their practices, it weakens their already fragile beliefs.

    It is fun to watch them react though.

  • Sean says:

    I just realized that music is from super smash bros…lol

  • MacDaddy says:

    totally disagree with your spiel about the heavyweights:

    1. getting 2 big lardasses in the ring does not end in knockouts, it ends in 15 minutes of walrus hugging and heavy breathing. Most heavyweight fights are like watching Rosanne Barr fuck Tom Arnold standing up, which would be more likely to end in a knockout too.

    2. The reason there are so many skilled light and welterweights is simple demographics. The optimal weight class for someone who is 5’7″-5’9″ is 155 and the optimal weightclass for someone who is 5’9″-5’11” is 170, at those heights you are statistically more likely to be able to cut down to those weights and not be at a huge reach disadvantage. The vast majority of males who might compete in MMA are between 5’7″ and 5’11”.

    5’10”-6’2″ is generally the range for 205ers, and we saw what happened when 5’10” Silva took on the much, much larger Liddell – Liddell stood outside and pounded Silva’s face into a plate of hamburger.

    This means that to have the frame to be a competitive heavyweight you need to be 6’2″+ and there just aren’t that many people that tall out there compared to the other weight classes. This is why in spite of being one of the best grapplers in the world 5’9″ Jeff Monson has repeatedly been beaten so badly by guys 4-6 inches taller than him, that he now is a dead ringer for the Thing from Fantastic 4.

    3. There are two big problems with the existing heavyweight division the first problem is that the weight class covers 60 fucking pounds!! If you are a 220-230lb fighter the idea that you might have to fight a meatwall like Sylvia who cuts down 20lbs from 285 is a huge incentive to diet and get down to 205 where you will be the bully on the block.

    The second problem with heavyweights is that half of them are *morons* who haven’t grasped the the first problem and are 220lb guys who should move down to 205 – witness Mirko fucking CroCop.

    So what’s the solution, MacDaddy? I’m glad you asked grasshopper…

    Divide heavyweight into two divisions: heavyweight 205-240, and super-heavyweight 240+.

    Not only would this leave room for guys like Gonzaga to cut a little and still slip in (meaning they would probably be in better cardio shape), it would also relegate Tim Sylvia where he belongs – in the circus big top. Once he was forced to only fight guys 240+ we would finally see the fights we’ve all been dying for – Tim Sylvia vs Choi Hong Man, Sylvia vs Bigfoot Silva, Sylvia vs Semmy Schilt etc.

    Basically we would see Tim Sylvia take horrible beating after horrible beating, until he was even more hideously disfigured than he already is, and we would realize (although in our hearts we already know this) that Tim Sylvia has no chance of beating anyone he doesn’t have a 40-50lb weight and 6-inch height advantage on.

    Rock on bitches.

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    EGYPT…. woot woot!

  • MacDaddy knows where it’s at … respect

  • MacDaddy says:

    P.S. you could call that 240+ division “the pituitary tumour division”

    I am so stoked about this idea, someone get that bald bitch on the phone…

  • Accomando says:

    Mac Daddy, ain’t gonna happen, Lesnar has to cut to make 265, so, there will be no super-heavweight division anytime soon.

  • Accomando says:

    What the fuck are you guys’ going to do to this place on Friday???

    Better not fuck it up……

  • MacDaddy says:

    Accommando –

    It’s my understanding that if Cock Lesnar stops taking HGH he’ll be about 180lbs within 2 months…

  • Accomando says:

    Well, Lenar won’t stop taking HGH; so, again, no super-heavyweights anytime soon.

  • MacDaddy says:

    Dude there’s a good chance that someone like Sylvia will punch Lesnar once hard in the face and he will start crying like Bob Sapp when Mirko Cro-cop broke his face. Then all bets are off.

  • bmiller says:

    Thanks fightlinker for giving me a heads up on how shitty the new sunday show on sherdog is. I read about it and i thought about listening to it today, but i thought i would listen to your show first. (i couldnt wait to hear the mailbag) And then when you guys said how dumb and retarded it was, I decided not to waste an hour out of my boring day today. To me it sounds like those guys way of being funny is just describing something little by using big words and rambling about it for 5 minutes. The same reason that makes Seinfeld gay.

    cant wait untill friday, i dont even know how i am going to sleep tonight.

  • Accomando says:

    “…he will start crying like Bob Sapp when Mirko Cro-cop broke his face. Then all bets are off…”

    Well, you might be right there.

  • Geoffr0y says:

    Dammit I wish I wasn’t a 2 hour ferry ride and 4907.91km from Montreal cause I’d be all over your conference and UFC in Canada. As it stands its considerably quicker and cheaper for me to drive to Vegas. Great show though.

  • Toxie says:

    Kinda difficult to get to Canada from Florida. Oh well. Great show though, and thanks for saving me the time I was going to spend checking out ‘Sunday MMA School’.

  • I’d almost say it’s worth listening to just to hear how bad it was. I initially had over 15 minutes of audio clips of them telling the worst jokes ever, but obviously we wanted to stay in the boundaries of fair use.

  • Foreskin Face Pete says:

    ‘regimen.’ no ‘t’ i said. a regiment is a military unit, stinkin’ quebecoise.

  • Hilarious show guys. Keep it up.

  • roenn says:

    yeaaah, great show. fight opinion length, if not longer, is good coming from y’all.

    as for the sunday school show, after all the build, i listened to it on sunday and thought how much better they were when they were canadian and what not. it definitely is a poor man’s low blow. a really poor man’s low blow.

  • kentyman says:

    One of the best shows in a long time, and that says a lot. Especially appreciated the candidness of the shart/hemorrhoid talk.

    Don’t worry about the show running that long or longer. Just like a big steamy turd; the longer the better.

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    How about a link to the Frank Trigg in porn shoot video?

  • P W says:

    Good show. I liked the way you divided the questions into different categories. The fact that you didn’t answer MY hilarious, well thought out question nearly made me slit my wrists though. Too funny for you, huh? I’ll try to come up with something less brilliant next time.

  • We promise next time we’ll answer yours :-)