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Lorenzo Fertitta comes on board 100%

The big announcement has finally been made, and it really was out of leftfield: Lorenzo Fertitta is leaving Station Casinos to work full time on the UFC. While most people will say “Whoop de doo, who gives a shit”, most people are fucking morons. Bringing on Lorenzo really will change the way the UFC is run, and probably for the better. Let’s look at why:

  1. Dana White is a control freak, and that usually means less gets done because everything hits a bottleneck when it reaches him. Having two main guys on equal footing means twice as much bandwidth to get shit done.
  2. The UFC finally has a system where they can effectively play “Good cop, bad cop”. Before with just Dana White, it was “Bad cop, fuck off you shit fuckface die”, which has caused a certain amount of problems in the past. I’m not about to believe that the UFC is going to change the way they do business or that both guys aren’t diabolical bastards, but appearance is everything and Lorenzo will be an excellent foil to Dana.
  3. As a continuation of #2, lots of people just fucking hate Dana White. He’ll never be more than a foul mouthed boxercise teacher to many bigwigs in television and beyond, but Lorenzo Fertitta is much more respectable and harder to dismiss. Expect him to push through deals and create connections where Dana White couldn’t.

It’s way too soon to say if a lot of other rosy assumptions about Lorenzo ‘balancing out’ Dana come true, but already this is looking like a great step forward. I just finished talking about how a UFC dictatorship worried me, mainly because Dana White was the Darth Vader of the MMA world. While Lorenzo could very well turn out to be Palpatine, at least he’s not the kind of guy to go around choking half his fleet to death with the force. On the other hand, he was responsible for the Death Stars, plus a bunch of other bad shit. Hmm. This analogy sucks.

  • Steve says:

    I think the analogy is spot on, though I would have personally gone with the Palpatine-Darth Maul comparison myself. Vader just has way too much depth of character for him to be a good parallel for Dana White. A purely evil one-dimensional guy like Maul fits the bill much better.

  • Does that mean Randy’s gonna cut Dana in half at the end of the movie?

  • Joon4s says:

    Don’t know about that, like said Vader went around choking tons of motherfuckers. They could be compared to Arlovski, Ortiz etc. so it’s pretty accurate analogy.

    But enough with the analogy. This was pretty unexpected, and I bet nobody called it right. I can only see this as a good thing. But yeah, we’ll see how it goes.

  • RL Dookiefuck says:

    Lorenzo is Palpatine.
    Dana is Vader.
    Tito is Luke Skywalker.
    Gonzaga is Chewbacca.

    FanFiction dot net here I come!

  • Preach says:

    Well, Palpatine made everyone believe he was the good guy for years and years, before he started “forcing” Jedis out of his 2500th floor penthouse window… 😉

    And Tito isn’t Luke. Tito’s Watto, that foulmouthed flying crapsack from Episode 1. Hey, he’s already shagging JenJen Binks…

  • Elfenstein says:

    @preach – – i spat pretzels all over my keys thanks to you!! ;D

  • crs says:

    Anything involving Dana White finally being kept on a leash is a good thing.

    Don’t get me wrong, I respect Dana’s accomplishments, realize he loves the sport and how important that is compared to the boxing douches in the industry. But it’s time to make that 14 year old trapped in a 40 year old man’s body shut the fuck up and respectfully run a business.

  • If you think Lorenzo and Dana are seriously gonna be on equal footing you’re insane. Go rewatch the episode of TUF 1 after the Leben/Koscheck incident and you’ll see how things are gonna be.

    This is huge news. UFC has basically just gotten a completely new life with by finally having a real business man and someone whos not semi-physcotic at their helm. This is gonna totally change the company for the better. Dana may still be the figurehead, but now the power finally lies in capible hands, the UFC is primed for some huge things out of this change, its actually way bigger than anything anyone imagined.

  • Steve says:

    “Don’t know about that, like said Vader went around choking tons of motherfuckers.”

    If George Lucas had stopped after after ‘Empire Strikes back, then I would agree with you. Unfortunately, he spent the rest of episodes VI, I, II, & III making Vader into a sniveling little bitch who was really a good guy underneath all that black armor.

    The Vader character is too complex to be a good fit for Dana. Dana is a one-dimensional windbag who wants to crush his competition, sue everyone on the planet into oblivion, and hear the lamentations of their women. A one-dimensional bad guy like Maul is a much better fit for the baldfather.

  • Zurich says:

    That was a fantastic analogy.

  • Ross says:

    It’s amusing to read Caplan try to defend his report from last week that NY sanctioning was the original announcement. Doesn’t he realise how ridiculous it is to suggest that since NY fell through last week Dana has managed to convince Lorenzo to step down from a extremely well paid position so he has an announcement that will satisfy a bunch of Internet fans?

    Renting out a room to tell all of your employees that yet another state has sanctioned the sport? That doesn’t add up. Renting out a room to tell your employees they have a new boss? Yeah, sounds much more likely.

  • crs says:

    “UFC has basically just gotten a completely new life with by finally having a real business man and someone whos not semi-physcotic at their helm.”

    I don’t know about that, Lorenzo looks like the kind of guy who would beat you to death with any object he found laying around if you pissed him off bad enough. Dana would just call you a “stupid fucking cocksucker” and run away.

  • Now the UFC is gonna be run by the Mafia not just owned by them.

  • Dana White's mother says:

    Whoop de doo, who gives a call this news.go back to bench pressing you bald headed fuck!

  • jakey says:

    jo silvas an ewok

  • Lifer says:

    for some reason this announcement fills me with hope. i pray that i’m not let down. i pray to jesus.

  • ajadoniz says:

    lol at starwars references

  • Scottie G says:

    Mafia ties…now the UFC fixed conspiracies will reach a new level

  • kentyman says:

    Roy Nelson is Jabba.

    I got nothing.