twitter google

Know your MMA fan

Any site that’s about giving people more of a voice on the internet is okay by me, which is why I’m such a big fan of the Bleacher Report. Sure, some of the articles there read like they were written by 13 year olds, and maybe they were. But there’s a lot of gems there, like this one on different types of mixed martial arts fans. Some of my favorites:

1. The Bandwagon Jumper: This guy has no fighter loyalty. None. Zero. His favorite fighter is always the guy on top, regardless of who it is. He’ll tell anyone that will listen that he has always been a Machida fan. As soon as Machida loses, he’ll be conspicuously wearing a Shogun shirt. This guy’s knowledge of the sport only goes as far as the latest UFC highlight clip on Sportscenter.

4. The Just Bleed Fan: Not to be confused with the UFC Nuthugger. Believes that any fight that goes to the ground is automatically boring. Fully expects Brock Lesnar to win a fight with the F5. Calls every fighter who taps out a pussy.

Due to partial inbreeding, ingestion of copious amounts of alcohol, and because he was once in a fight in high school, thinks he could be a UFC champion. Believes he must demonstrate patriotism by heckling foreign fighters with boos and chants of “USA.” Thinks the sport is called UFC, and will give a blank stare when asked if he watches MMA.

6. The Fedorian: Thinks that Fedor is really the son of god, and will begin his messianic work after he retires. Honestly believes that Dana White is the Anti-Christ. Attempts to convince people that Hong Man Choi and Zuluzinho were legitimate number one contenders.

Whines incessantly about Fedor’s first loss to Tsuyoshi Kohsaka being due to an illegal strike, and therefore despite tournament rules, believes the results should be erased from existence. Will most likely become extinct once Fedor loses first match, due to massive coronaries, and the fact that most Fedorians are really just bandwagon jumpers.

There’s a bunch of others like the UFC Nuthugger and the Sherdog Whitebelt, all people I’m sure you’re familiar with if you’ve spent more than an hour on any of the big MMA forums.