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Kimbo’s beard = Unfair

Apparently, some MMA fans are dumber than dirt – they think that Kimbo’s beard is an unfair advantage that absorbs punching power.

Yes, for real. I shit thee not.

When I first read about this on CagePotato, I thought “No way in fucking hell did anyone really think this. It must just be some attention grabbing bullshit.” But lo and behold, do a couple of google searches and you will find numerous threads on lots of different message boards where intellectual champions argue the finer points of beard physics. at least had the decency to delete a lot of these (you know your thread is dumb when…), but Google Cache is your friend. I can now rest easy knowing that if I die in ass surgery today, you guys will have enough funny MMA content to last you at least a week or two. Or three.

The ‘controversy’ got so big that Bas Rutten even responded to the topic:

This is a beard from hair for crying out loud. If you believe this than you have to believe also that Kimbo has also less speed because the beard is not aerodynamic and will slow his head movement down, so that will make up for the impact absorbing BS, hahaha, man, they should glue some hair on air bags, people now will survive the crash because the one layer of beard took the impact away.

I have to believe that this whole thing is being perpetrated by retarded 13 year olds. I have to. My faith in humanity on an average day is shaky at best. Darfur, slave labor, the rape and pillaging of the earth’s natural resources. And now people think beards protect you from punches. I weep, people. I weep.

  • frickshun says:

    I am pretty sure there IS a rule against beards in Ms. America pageants. Makes sense.

  • threatis says:

    yes, it’s his beard, and NOT the fact that the guy is a fucking animal.

  • ZzFDKzZ says:

    LMAO @ Bas Rutten’s reply.

  • JackalAss says:

    i heard this numerous times on the interwebz.

    If anything the beard just keeps his real identity hidden.

  • Captain says:

    Wait… what! My thread got deleted? Those fuckin mods think they’re so fuckin cool.

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    Well… good luck trying to aim for the sweet spot on the chin. So YES it does give him an advantage in that sense.

    “Is this punch too far up the beard?… This punch was definitely too low… Oh shit… WTF happned?”

    “You just got KTFO, Tank”

  • JackalAss says:

    why hasn’t anyone said anything about Tanks beard then?

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    It’s a goatie… not a beard 😛

  • JackalAss says:

    what about Kimbos chest cresant and his back hair?

    Does that give him advantages tooo?

  • cingred says:

    Welcome to shertard. Surf the recent topics one day. I guaran-fucking-tee that you will want to blow up your computer. Thank you spike TV and TUF; You have bred a new form of fucktard……

  • Shawn says:

    Andre Alovski’s chest hair vs. Silva
    Gonzaga’s back hair vs. Cro Cop

    Hmm… Maybe there is something to this hair thing.
    Didn’t seem to help Kimo against Royce Gracie tho.

    Bas Rutten is hi-fucking-larious!

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    The chest cresent does in fact create traction while laying ontop of a downed opponent. If he wasn’t so sure that Tank wasn’t going to take his back… we would’ve shaved it 😉

  • kentyman says:

    So Bo Cantrell would’ve beaten Kimbo if he didn’t shave his armpits?

  • Jemaleddin says:

    On a serious note: Din Thomas said that he grew out his fro to keep from getting cut by KenFlo’s elbows. That sounded kind of stupid at the time, but I wasn’t sure if Din was just an idiot or if there was some science behind it. I tend to go for idiot, but I don’t really know.

    Is there anything to the idea that having a beard would help keep a cut from opening up? Cuts stop fights, so anything you could do to prevent that from happening would be smart, though not an unfair advantage. Then again, Kimbo can’t grow out the hair on top of his head, so….

  • Atom says:

    I thought facial hair was illegal?

    I don’t know which state, but i thought I’d read that one of them had a rule about fighters @ facial hair. It came up during Arlovski’s wolf-man fights

  • Beau says:

    I know for a fact that beard length is limited to extremely short in boxing exactly because of this. So if Boxing decided that a beard can suhion a punch then it’s probably a legitimate argument. The beard most definitely provides some layer of protection. The scientific way would be to take some black dude with a huge afro and stack weights on top until the hair compresses to the head, then you’d know how much force the hair absorbs. Is a ton of kimbo facial hair really that different than cotton they stuff in boxing gloves?

  • Beau says:

    suhion = cushion in my post. typing is hard.

  • Atom says:

    better than Wanderlei

  • el feo says:

    as far as I’m concerned, if you have the ability to grow an epic beard like that, no way you can get rid of it. It’s destiny, my friend.

  • Heydre says:

    Beard disadvantages:
    1. Doesn’t cut/irritate like stubble
    2. Covers “stunning” good looks
    3. Makes for a nice hohohoplata
    4. Chicks don’t dig beards

  • Kel says:

    …Evan Tanner shoulda never cut his off. If he hadn’t, he might be on the fast track to the championship…or he might be anyway…

  • fauxhammer says:

    Beau is right somewhat. A beard of that size can cushion a blow. Maybe not all that much, but to some degree. There is a reason why boxers can’t grow joke beards like the one he has.

    As for the argument about not finding his chin? Ridiculous.

    I think the biggest problem with his beard, though, is that it’s kinky as sh*t. Imagine grappling with a beard like; it would be like having a brillo pad rubbed in your face and eyes.

  • Xaskiah says:

    How is Christophe any more narcissistic than, say, Vincent van Gogh or Rembrandt van Rijn? Artists have feeovrr used themselves as subjects in their own work, and why not? It’s a cheap source of ever-available model material! I think this was an artistic/expressive venture (of course, not everyone will agree), and I applaud the dedication and perseverance it took to complete the project. I don’t see this as a Look at me! See what I’m doing! attempt any more than any other expressive act.I can’t help but think that folks intent on finding fault with something so non-threatening are just a little too cool, too cynical, too jaded to really understand what it even means to attempt to honor one’s creative urge. How many of them have ever attempted ANYTHING original and creative? My experience has been that these types of folks don’t have anything of value to offer, because they’re so busy refusing to be impressed by anything. What sad, empty little lives they must lead.