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Kimbo Slice fight gets lamer by the hour

The moment CFFC’s Kimbo vs Tank fight got canceled, everyone across the internets called out to promotions around the world to save the headlining fight. Several promotions answered the call and tried to fit it into their cards, but in the end it was EliteXC that signed Kimbo Slice and set him up to fight on their November 10th card.

Without Tank Abbott.

Huh? What? That’s stupid. CFFC had already spent a big pile of money advertising the Tank matchup, and it was a fight that resonated with the moron demographic and freak fight fans. Why EliteXC decided to drop Tank from the equation is unknown.

Whatever the reason, it was fucking dumb. In his place, EliteXC put 8-11 fighter Mike Bourke, who’s been 1-8 over the past 5 years. Tank’s recent record was 1-6 over the past 5 years, but at least he had some decent draw and name power. Add the fact that EliteXC has been promoting Kimbo as ‘Kevin Ferguson’, and most casual fans have no idea what the fuck is going on any more.

But wait, it gets better! Now Mike Bourke is out, and in his place is Bo Cantrell, who just fought last week and lost in under a minute. Cantrell has a 10-10 and is on a four loss skid at the moment. He’s also got some of the worst tattoos in MMA, which says a lot. Again, this guy is a total no-namer with a shitty record.

Anyways, I have no idea what the fuck is up with EliteXC dropping the Kimbo / Tank matchup. They’ve taken a stupid but compelling fight and replaced it with a stupid and non-compelling fight. And promoting Kimbo using his real name is the hight of stupidity. The world knows him as Kimbo Slice. If you’re embarrassed of his felony fight history, then why the fuck did you sign him??? Man … someone at EliteXC needs to be slapped in the face with a large stinky fish.

  • Archer0545 says:

    I’d reccomend a hali-butt!

  • Angry Jay says:

    I’m sure we’ll wind up having at least 1-2 more opponents announced for Kimbo before it’s all said and done. “Breaking news! Due to a mustache injury Bo ‘Redrum’ Cantrell will be unable to compete against Kimbo Slice. Taking his place is the highly touted, lethal striker Andy ‘Fedorpwner’ Wang.”

    I want to be the guy that gets paid to write descriptions for sucky fighters. It seems like a funny/creative task. Check out the writeup on REDRUM: – “…one of the most intimidating warriors in MMA…”, “…you can expect the tough and determined Cantrell to punish his opponents with his overwhelming punching abilities” – LOL

  • Stirling says:

    You’re just jealous because you don’t have overwhelming punching abilities.

  • Not only is Cantrell 0-4 this year. The four losses have come in a combined 2 minutes 59 seconds. He has been KO’ed 7 times in his career and will likely decide to stand with Kimbo.

    I’d say they’re banking more on having a highlight reel KO to promote Kimbo’s next fight than having a fight they can promote today.

  • Trol says:

    Hell Kimbo is 1-0 so he doesn’t have much of a record to speak of. He needs some cans to fight.

  • Tank is the best can ever … he’s one 1 fight in the last 7 years and has basically embraced his role as the sacrificial lamb used to ‘get fighters over’.

  • fightfan says:

    Actually Bo Cantrell has lost his last 4 FIGHTS in a total of less than 3 minutes total. 2 of those fights in less than one minute(1 was in 5 seconds). The longest he has lasted in his past 4 fights is 1:55.

  • fightfan says:

    Freaking hilarious……

    Bo Cantrell’s fighter profile

    The hard-hitting heavyweight, nicknamed “Redrum,” is one of the most intimidating warriors in MMA. The former U.S. Marine uses his devastating punching power to dismantle opponents.

  • P. Weiny says:

    Am I the only one who accidentally read Bo Cantrell’s nickname as “Rectum”?

  • RL Dookiefuck says:

    What is it about Marines that makes them so mediocre at MMA? Every time you see a Marine in a fight, you can probably make decent money betting against him.

    Cut Kimbo some slack, it’s only his second MMA fight. The man’s gotta work his way up before he can start fighting powerhouses like McCully and Eric Pele.

  • RoB says:

    I wish mike bourke would of stayed on. The one fighter he “beat”, alan zunner, is a friend of mine. he swears bourke payed him to loose.l ol. i am not making this shit up.

  • Khzarn says:

    Wasn’t Mike Bourke the guy who got double-armbarred by Otsuka? Poor guy had to tap with his knees.

    Also, I found this.

  • kentyman says:

    Redrum? Damn near killed ’em!