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Kalib Starnes’ head vagina sewn shut

Since getting sliced up good by Alan Belcher, we haven’t really heard too much of Kalib ‘Smelly’ Starnes. Even when he got booked to fight Nate Quarry at UFC83, everyone just kinda repeated the news since it’s a booking and you kinda sorta have to tell people about shit like that. But up until this point, I’ve never read an article outside of the UFC’s press masturbation section on Starnes.

It’s funny, because I’m normally all over the nuts of fellow Canadian fighters. But I just can’t make myself care about this guy. Perhaps it’s because he represents the guy who should have been cut but wasn’t simply because he was on TUF. Or maybe it’s because he’s a big cry baby. Either way, if it wasn’t for this neat story about that nasty gash from the Belcher fight, I wouldn’t be talking about him at all:

Starnes lost track of the stitches that followed.

“I didn’t really count them all, but about 20 to 30,” he explained from his training base in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. “There were two layers — because it went to the bone. They stitched the meat underneath and then they stitched the skin over top of it.”

To make matters worse, the gash got infected. Starnes ended up having to take 2 1-2 months off, working his way through a diet of antibiotics. “Because it’s in your head and kind of near your eye, they took it pretty seriously,” he explained.

The cut swelled up, opened and had to be drained. “It wasn’t very pleasant.”

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    And to top it off he wasn’t happy with the stoppage… I can’t imagine what could’ve happened if he continued, he probably wouldn’t have a face.

  • Accomando says:

    Did they sew up Starnes other vagina too?

  • twankydawg says:

    Where the fuck is the new comic dillhole?

  • clint notestine says:

    I wanna see Nate Quarry open up another vagina on the other side of his face. This way he could have matching scars that look like eyebrows.

  • dignan says:

    That guy is the biggest fucking pussy whiner. HE QUIT THE FIGHT, so how could he not have been happy about the stoppage.

    “HE can see my skull!!!” Waahh!

    I like how he goes into detail about how serious his wound/injury was, and how practically life threatening it was…fuck him.

    If I wasn’t banned on sherdog…fuck. What a loser.

  • danaunclefesterwhite says:

    How is a guy a pussy for forfeiting a fight when his wound is so bad that you can see his skull? Should he fight on and risk serious harm to his health? I thought the number one priority of sanctioned MMA was to protect the fighters? This isn’t Japan. 😀

  • dignan says:


    He quit on TUF, he quit in that fight. If you don’t want to be the best in the sport, and possibly a legend in the sport why bother?

    The ref asked him if he wanted to stop he said yes, and claimed he said no. He is a fucking pussy. His corner CALLED him a pussy and he flipped out. He didn’t FORFEIT, he quit.

    Fuck that whiny axe gash.

  • danaunclefesterwhite says:

    So people who tap out to submissions are pussies too then?

  • zeke says:

    Boo hoo Dignan. Just because the guy didn’t fight for your viewing pleasure after getting his ribs broken and with a bone-deep gash, doesn’t make him a quitter. Do you realize how debilitating a broken rib is? Have you ever had a vagina sized gash on your forehead? If not then stop fucking whining like a bitch.

  • stink47 says:

    i hate those ufc blurbs about c-level fighters.. goddamm if i have to hear about alession sakara’s boxing skills one more time I’ll split some bastard

  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie says:

    The funniest moment of that fight was the ring doctors facial expresion while checking Starnes

  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie says:

    It this was Japan he would probably have lost honor and bring shame to his family for not fighting to the death. Then he would have to commit most honorable suicide to lift dishonor

  • danaunclefesterwhite says:

    Alessio Sakara can’t box for shit. He has no chin and he got knocked out multiple times by sloppy brawlers. This is his oh so great boxing record courtesy of boxrec.

    2005-12-26 Nabil Haciani 0-2-0 Palasport, Roma, Lazio, Italy W PTS 6/6

    2005-07-08 196¼ Jean Marc Monrose 198½ 8-1-0 Centralino Stadio del tennis, Foro Italico,

    Lazio, Italy L KO 5/10 ~ vacant IBF Youth cruiserweight title ~
    2005-06-02 Fernando Martinez 0-0-0 Salvador, Bahia, Brazil W TKO 3/6
    2005-05-14 215 Florin Constandache Ilie 198½ 0-17-0 BBT Gym, Saxa Rubra, Roma, Lazio, Italy

    W TKO 2/6 Ilie down two times
    2005-04-30 213½ Imre Gergely 232¾ 0-0-0 PalaLuiss, Roma, Lazio, Italy W TKO 3/6

    2005-03-19 Valentin Marinel 0-0-0 PalaLuiss, Roma, Lazio, Italy W KO 3/6
    2004-08-30 Ubiracy Santos Lima 0-0-0 Salvador, Bahia, Brazil W TKO 4/6

    He was 6-1 professionally but all of the guys he beat were tin cans. The only time he faced an opponent with a +500 record (8-1), he got knocked the fuck out apparently in the 5th round. I’m all for the UFC and MMA orgs in general bringing in more guys with a boxing background but they need to start bringing in some decent boxers for a change. It just goes to show that the money isn’t good enough in MMA for a decent boxer to enter MMA and cross-train. Marcus Davis doesn’t count either. His 17-1 record was mostly padded and his most impressive win was against a guy who was only 8-0.

  • dignan says:

    I tried finding the history on that “broken rib.” All I found was a rib injury…so I’m not sure what you’re talking about.

    He quit before the finals of TUF after acting like king shit the entire 8 weeks in the house. As I said before, I wanted him to win, but he is a disgrace.

    I have had broken ribs and a rib injury. No you cannot play anything or fight well with broken ribs, but MMA aint for pussys.

    In a sport where Couture finishes and wins a fight with a broken arm…Gracie doesn’t tap with a seriously dislocated shouler…a guy continues to throw against Sylvia and has a broken hand but goes the distance, Starnes will not get any sympathy from my for quitting.

    Did I call him a pussy for tapping on a submission? No I called him a pussy for pussing out in an MMA fight. Hurt ribs? No shit? Cut on your face and you cant go on?

    List of guys who didt quit with pretty nasty cuts on their face:

    Nick Diaz, Ken Florian(who I despise but he aint a pussy), Joe Lauzon…even that Gonzalez couldve quit after Randy smashed his nose…

    Guess what? The didn’t start crying a Starnes out on us. They took or gave their beating and gained respect in their sport, and by their fans.

    Starnes should go play soccer or bag groceries or something.

  • Accomando says:

    “…Ken Florian(who I despise…”

    That’s just cause you’re racist against Peruvians

  • danaunclefesterwhite says:

    Ok I don’t understand this logic. If you tap out to a submission, you’re not a pussy. But if you “tap out” to a really nasty gash that exposes the fucking skull (infection city), you’re a pussy? Fucking keyboard warriors man. They make no sense. So you’re allowed to quit (tap out) to prevent breaking a limb or going to sleep but you’re a pussy if you stop the fight because of a gash that led to an infection near his fucking brain apparently. Jesus Christ. Keyboard warrior asshole city.

  • danaunclefesterwhite says:

    They need to come up with a reality show where they recruit keyboard warriors who talk mad shit to fight pro mma fighters. They could do this in Hawaii, where there is no sanctioning body yet to prevent this from happening. Since we all know that the SACs wouldn’t allow such mismatches to happen. Which is a shame.

  • dignan says:

    Anyone who taps out because of a cut is a fucking pussy so fuck you. Not only that he is the only person I have ever seen who QUIT in by a cut in an MMA match.

    Uncle Fester: Are you Kalib Starnes? You must be, since nobody in their right mind would stick up for that pussy as much as you are right now.

    Please name a couple others who QUIT because of a cut? Not a legit stoppage, but where a ref asks if he wants to continue and the guy shakes his head yes and says no…

    Axe-gash has a history of over embellishing everything, so no doubt it was the “WORST CUT IN THE HISTORY OF CUTS” and ended up with “THE WORST INFECTION IN THE HISTORY OF INFECTIONS”, and remember when he had the “WORST NON FRACTURED RIB INJURY” ever that made him quit and not move on to the finals…for the first time in TUF history? Remember him complaining about how much the training cost, and how he didnt have two nickels to rub together…what a fag.

    I grew up in Canada, and have to say Canadians have a huge tendency to always have something that is waaaaay BETTER, or waaaay WORSE than you ever had. It’s their trademark. i.e.: I have one of those at home, but mines better. Starnes fits this bullshit role perfectly.

    WAR QUARRY! I Can’t wait to see how Starnes pusses out of this fight.

    I prefer keyboard jockey to keyboard warrior.

    Lastly, if we ever have a fightlinker meetup, or possibly a fightlinker MMA challenge, I want to fight you.

  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie says:


  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie says:

    Starnes standup lookedalot better aganist Belcher but it seemed like he had no power

  • Accomando says:

    Starnes IS a bitch and dignan is a psychopathic keyboard jockey/warrior.

    There, now everyone can be happy.

  • dignan says:


    true dat.

    You’re number 2 on my list. 😉

  • Accomando says:

    What makes me feel better, is knowing that I was still #1 until today.

    In all seriousness, I hate kalib starnes too, he is a such a fucking loser. Hopefully, this will be his last fight in the UFC. Fingers crossed.

  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie says:

    starnes should stick would be boring with noone to hate