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Kalib ‘digs a hole’

Yesterday I suggested that Kalib just needed to apologize straight up and then shut his fucking mouth. Today he released a statement that started out strong:

I would like to begin by saying that I was very happy to fight in Montreal, and that I trained really hard for my fight. I know that there were many people, including myself, who were disappointed with my performance, and I would like to apologize to my coaches, trainers and the fans for what happened. It was by far the worst fight of my career, much to the credit of my opponent who proved to be a real monster in the ring, I think that they should keep him in a cave somewhere and feed him raw meat!

…but then devolved into some serious lame shit. Here’s some highlights lowlights:

During the fight I received a broken bone in my right foot and I find out tomorrow if I need to have surgery and get a pin put through it so that it will heal properly. I also have severe bruising on my left thigh, lumps on my head, a fat black eye, a sprained jaw and damage to the nerves in my molars.

Oh no, not severe bruising on your leg! Not a black eye!

For him to come out and make a statement like that as though I should be willing to suffer a brain injury while being paid less than $10,000 is beyond comment. How much is a brain injury worth anyway?

Well, considering the worst most fighters get as far as ‘brain injuries’ goes is a concussion, 10k ain’t too shabby. And that’s if you actually end up concussed. Most fights get stopped before they reach that point, and some fighters are actually able to fight back in order to reduce the damage they’re receiving and some fighters actually try to win!

The worst part though is at the end where he tries to make jokes about the situation and then tie it up with a quote from Charles Bukowski:

I’ve been bombarded by questions from every media organization you can imagine. You’d think that I had knocked up Britney Spears, or strangled Paris Hiltons pet Chihuahua. They ask me clever questions like: Why would you want to be released from your UFC contract? Were you injured? What was it like on that reality show? Exactly what is a ‘hollaback girl’? Do lion-tiger hybrids (ligers) really exist? Which is better, chocolate, or vanilla? And finally; Why is your cardio always in question?” But I don’t answer them, ‘I just light my cigarette, and smile.’

Bukowski is yet another self-destructive artist in the vein of that shithead Jack Kerouac, and the quote is from his poem “The Best Way to get Famous is to Run Away”. Starnes’ reference to him would be witty if his situation was actually similar to that of the poem. But the poem’s main character is purposefully ‘digging a hole’ and happily stepping away from fame. Bukowski was being unconventional on purpose. Starnes just fucked up and had a shitty fight and is now flailing to try and add reason to his loss. If he really wants to try and compare his fight to something related to Bukowski, he should have just quoted the inscription on Bukowski’s tombstone: “Don’t Try”.

Now THAT sums his performance up quite nicely.