Jon Koppenhaver, tyrant of the Philippines

June 16, 2008 – 4:05 pm by fightlinker

Sometimes I have no idea how I miss covering certain stories, like the series of blogs posted by Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaveer where he talks about the ‘rules of a weak society’ preventing him from smashing in the faces of douches who deserve it. It might be understandable for a normal human being to vent and bitch about something like that once, but only a guy like Jon would be obsessed to the point where he decides to move to the Philippines because he thinks he can kick the shit out of people whenever he wants to.

So the plan is to move to the Philippines in the next two years. There the money I make in the UFC will make me very wealthy and there I will not have to hold back when someone deserves to get smashed.

I wont have to be less of a man in order to prevent getting in trouble with the “law”
I will be able to live my life how I want and deserve to live. I will train all day and fuck all night. Maybe one day I will find a wife, if not it’s okay. I will bring my boxing coach and my jiu-jitsu coach with me. Build a team from scratch…this will be a great life. Hopefully before I am 55 I will die in a knife fight outside of some bar. Avoiding the midlife crisis all together.

This is the life of an Alpha Male like me. We are not supposed to grow old and wait around to die. We are supposed to fight, kill and fornicate. Tempt fate more and more with each passing year…and just as we start to become weaker and older a younger Alpha kills us and takes our place.

I hate to be the one to piss in Jon’s corn flakes, but I’m pretty sure a foreigner in the Philippines will get his ass tossed in jail a lot faster than he would in America. Or he ends up in some kind of wacky ‘Only the Strongest” scenario, he’ll end up carved up and hung from a tree by his ankles.