MiddleEasy is clearly the Family Guy of the MMA blogosphere: when they decide to write something, they flap their fins until they pick some random idea balls from the tank, throw in an MMA link, say “baller” several times, and boom, it’s a post. So imagine my surprise when I came across their post on the Joe Lozito story, and the introductory idea ball actually related to the rest of the story. Bauzen from MiddleEasy likes chicken sandwiches, AND he had a chicken sandwich with Joe Lozito! After cleaning my pants and recovering from the shock of seeing a logical connection in a MiddleEasy article for the first time ever, I discovered that the rest of their article on the Joe Lozito story is actually pretty awesome too.
About a year ago, Lozito was just minding his own business while taking the New York subway to work when he inadvertently became a hero by stopping psychopath Maksim Gelman, who had killed four people on a murderous rampage because a hot girl didn’t like him:
There was a delay as an ‘emotionally disturbed person’ boarded the same car and proceeded to pound on the operator’s door. If you’ve spent any extended time in New York City, none of this would seem out of the ordinary. In fact, I would venture to say I’ve never experienced a completely “normal” subway ride getting anywhere in the 25+ years I’ve lived in this city. Unbeknownst to Joe, this particular unhinged man was the focus of a city-wide manhunt following four consecutive murders stemming from the night before. When the conductor essentially told the man to get lost, he turned his eyes to Joe, the person geographically nearest to him at that very moment. He reached to his belt line and retrieved an eight-inch chef’s knife, the kind you’re probably accustomed to seeing in a kitchen, stared directly into Joe’s eyes and muttered “You are going to die”.
Within seconds, the knife traveled into & out of Joe’s arms, shoulders, and head; a total of seven times. Joe immediately planted his legs on the vinyl-coated floor and shot for the most important single-leg takedown of his life while the train came to a screeching halt. A passenger must have triggered the subway’s emergency brake lever upon seeing the savage attack commence. Bleeding profusely, Joe wrestled the man to the ground, disarmed him, and more or less single-handedly brought an end to the Maxim Gelman 24-hour killing spree, while the rest of the subway’s patrons resisted getting their hands dirty. Several moments later, two New York police officers emerged from the conductor’s cabin, where they had resided for the duration of the train’s course. They immediately arrested Gelman and graciously accepted credit for apprehending NYC’s most wanted man while Joe continued to bleed out onto the dirty floor of the subway car. Nobody knows exactly what prompted two armed personnel sworn to protect and serve the people of New York to wait as long as they did to come out and pick up the suspect they were specifically stationed to look out for that day. It was nearly 25 minutes after the attack began when the train proceeded to the next station and Joe finally made it into an ambulance where his bleeding cuts were tended-to. To date, he credits his survival to a single compassionate passenger, Alfred Douglas, who found some clean napkins to compress his most critical wounds and kept him alive long enough for medics to take control of the situation.
Even with long-lasting emotional and physical scars, Joe managed to sneak some humor into his allocution at one of the nutcase’s sentencing hearings, which happened on February 15 (after da jump):
“This guy has a lot of time he has to start serving… I don’t want to keep him here.” Joe proceeded to acknowledge Alfred Douglas for saving his life by giving him first aid after the attack. He then looked directly into Gelman’s eyes. “When you attacked and I took you down, you went down real easy.”
“You didn’t take me down, you jerk-off,” Gelman fired back.
Looking at the courtroom, Lozito responded, “Look, it’s the funniest Russian since ” target=”_blank”> Yakov Smirnoff.” A brief moment of laughter overcame the courtroom. Joe proceeded. “I appreciate that you chose me, I really do… Maybe if you’d continued your extreme cowardice, you would have picked on another person, a woman and maybe she couldn’t defend herself. Or a child.”
Gelman resumed interjecting, “You fucking jerk-off. Moron!”
“Why are you so angry?” Lozito mocked back.
Clearly infuriated, Gelman began hollering loudly, forcing the judge to tell him to keep quiet.
“Just think about the lives you have changed,” Lozito resumed, then listed the names of Gelman’s four victims. “They’ll never get to walk the face of this earth because you’re a spoiled little boy who nobody listened to as a kid. Instead of taking your ball and going home, you threw a tantrum. I wish you all the best. I hope you rot in your cell and you have hell to look forward to, so enjoy it.”
Given a last chance to speak on his own behalf, Gelman’s final words were simply “Kim Kardashian, will you marry me?” followed by one last insult towards Lozito, “That jerk-off can suck my dick.”
“No thank you, for the record,” Lozito replied as he took his seat and awaited the judge’s sentencing.
“We’ve been subjected today to something of this man’s evil, unrepentant nature,” Judge Carruthers said. “Remove him.” He handed down an additional 25 years in prison to the pre-existing 200 year sentence.
And now for why we care: when asked how he managed to halt the slaughter being inflicted by a lunatic with a large knife, he simply said, “It’s something I’ve seen guys do in the UFC on a regular basis, but without the knife.” We’ve seen lots of stories of robberies being foiled by MMAers, but this is perhaps the highest-profile case in which a regular citizen was empowered to stop a bad guy just because he watched MMA on TV. But MMA is still illegal in New York because it has no place in a dignified society. It’s immoral, yucky, and according to New York Assemblyman Bob Reilly’s scientific, unbiased survey, 67% of crotchety old hags oppose it. And come on, how could the completely impartial Culinary Workers Union Local 226 steer us wrong?
Lozito is now suing the city for the negligence of the police officers who hid in the train conductor’s booth rather than pursue the killer they were stationed there to pursue, even after passengers informed them that something very very not good was happening. Being from New York Sh*tty myself, I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen police behave this way on a less extreme level. New York is pretty much like the Grand Theft Auto video game franchise: when you do something minor like jaywalking or killing a few people, you only have a one-star pursuit rating. This means that the cops are really more interested in their coffee and donuts than having to fill out paperwork because they put a collar on you. Knowing New York, they’ll just take a drop from their neverending money bucket to pay Lozito a settlement and the cops who are the subject of this lawsuit will either keep their jobs or be reassigned to easier ones. The world will keep turning, the sun will rise in the east, and jacked female fighters will still get popped for steroids.