* Have spotters and look-out crews to alert the masses. “Hey everyone! That’s Chuck Liddell!!” Don’t hesitate to yell this even when he isn’t there – it’s great for breaking up crowds and getting to the front of a non-Chuck line faster.
* If you see one of the UFC’s Octagon girls, be original with your pick up lines. For example: “You have beautiful eyes, can I touch them?”
* Always give a fighter some fight tips when you see them. “You need to throw more kicks,” “You need to keep your hands up bro,” or, ahem, “Work on your wrestling, Kenny.” Most fighters don’t have time to think about this stuff so these comments are a big help.
* If you want immediate respect walking around the expo then please bring your most violent t-shirt. Nothing says “I love MMA” like an XXXL “bleeding Lion” or a “sword carrying pit-bull.”
* Bring plenty of rotten produce to throw at Sean Sherk, Brandon Vera, and Jason Brilz. Don’t make the rookie mistake of using it all up on Sherk just because you saw him first.
* Don’t forget to ask Arianny Celeste “Hey, where’s Logan?”, “Where’s Natasha?”, “Where’s the CagePotato booth?”, or some combination of the three.
*Also tell her that as a registered boob doctor you’d be happy to take a closer look at that mole you noticed by her left nipple in her Playboy spread. This may work better if you figure out a more official term than ‘boob doctor.’ Mammastician? Knockerologist?
* This is your opportunity to set the record straight on every scoring controversy you’ve ever had to endure. Make a citizen’s arrest on Leonard Garcia for his ‘string of robberies’.
* Offer Machida a bottle of urine and tell him you made it for his dad.