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Germans are Weird

Do you remember the craze of hybrid sports? Neither do I. That shit is normally relegated to the lameness of soccer-baseball and the even lamer, hippie infested Ultimate Frisbee. In case you never heard of the latter, it the combination of a manly sport (football) with it’s very antithesis (frisbee). The only people who still play either of those two crappy games are special Olympians, and stoners that live in communes and shower once a month.

In Germany, however, the spirit of hybrid sport lives on. This time, they’ve decided create the most ridiculous combination of sports known to man: Chess-Boxing. If you ever loved the Rocky Movies, and Searching for Bobby Fisher, the Germans have found a sport for you, my friend!

You’re probably wondering how this is supposed to work, and how the transition from exciting boxing match battle to slow, methodical chess happens. It’s simple, after a 3 minute round, the fighters get out of their boxing gear, and change into “chess mode”. A small table is brought into the center of the ring, and then the competitors go at it for 4 minutes of the most intense chess ever. This goes on for a total of 11 rounds: 5 of boxing, and 6 of chess, until either someone wins by knockout, or checkmate.

This hybrid would have made so much more sense if they had combined boxing with another sports fighters typically play, like binge drinking, or gay bashing. But instead, they bring chess into a ring, as though anyone fueled by the adrenaline of a fight is interested in anything other than blood, let alone a “pawn storm”

I half expect this new sport to disappear quickly, followed inevitably by another ridiculous hybrid meant to “test” the fighters on a range of other attributes. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my fighters to be anything more than testosterone junkies hell bent on smashing the other guys face in. When you mix brain with brawn, you get the kind of guy that’s too smart to let himself get slaughtered in the ring, and then, what the fuck is the point?