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Gary Goodridge hackneys a man

Seanbaby goes through the six least sportsmanlike moments in MMA. Unfortunate Strikeforce contender Mike Kyle makes the list as number 5. I would say it deserved to be number 1, but that was before Sean laid out the brutal cock smashing employed by Gary Goodridge back in the no holds barred IVC:

Like all romances, the love affair between Gary’s foot and The Pedro’s balls ended badly. After they stood up, Gary threw a blatant field goal kick into The Pedro’s crotch like a rape victim in a self-defense book. Then he reached into The Pedro’s trunks and used his battered dong as a handle to throw him to the ground. And it didn’t stop. Ever. Gary punched it. He squeezed it. He told the cops it fell down the stairs. Within five minutes, Gary Goodridge was finding more uses for a human dick than I did during two years of puberty. And I grew up on a farm.

In the era in which this fight took place, turning a man’s junk into cube steak was technically  allowed in MMA rules. The referee practically had a nervous breakdown as he struggled against his instincts to stop this inhuman basket strangling. There was so much testicle damage being done that 20 years in the future, The Pedro’s son was shrieking at his own hand while he faded from existence. The crowd booed and whistled and sometimes threw garbage because no one could agree on the proper social etiquette for watching a man legally kill a penis. But legal or not, exploiting the delicate nature of genitals is no way for a gentleman to win a fight.

Check out the rest of the infamy over at Cracked!

  • glassjawsh says:

    all mma bloggers should thank jesus that seanbaby only seldomly writes about mma (his fujita writeup is absolutely legendary) and wastes most of his time on comic books and “what if” scenarios.

  • frickshun says:

    That was pretty fucking funny.

  • DJ ThunderElbows says:

    Seanbaby never disappoints.

    hit him with a right hand so hard that train accidents thought their father had finally come back home.

    Fucking golden.