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that fucked up/bizarre thing that happened….

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This topic contains 81 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by  Fizzy 5 years, 6 months ago.

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    two rules:

    1. it must be fucked up/bizarrre

    2. it must have either happened to you or someone you know well or you must have irrefutable evidence that it happened (no making shit up to hang with the cool kids)


    let’s get this party started


    last night i took a crotch shot from this girl (nicknamed smashlee) andwithout so much as thinking (or looking for that matter) I proceeded to uppercut her taint/coot so hard that she actually vomited, this is how i spent my 27th birthday


    your move jackal army





    upon rereading this it sounds a lot worse than it actually was…..



    I still remember that fateful day. When Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. “You don’t have to tell me,” I said. “I’m off the team, aren’t I?”

    “Well,” said Coach, “you never were really ON the team. You made that singlet you’re wearing out of rags and towels, and your head gear is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the timer and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to double leg people at inappropriate times.”

    It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold.

    But that’s when I felt the handcuffs go on.



    When I was a scrawny, pathetic little kid…..this big goon white kid used to pick on me. I told my stepfather about it. Bad move. He’s an alcoholic ex-con from Rikers black guy. He got drunk & threatened to kill the bully with a knife.

    Kid kowtowed to me every time he saw me after that.


    I duct taped a friend to a desk chair… naked



    ^ mean spirited stories are the best stories



    i fell down and it hurt. fucked up.

    i tripped and it hurt. totally bizarre.

    i farted on my hand and smelled it. it hurt.


    I dont remember how we got him out of his cloths, this was like 15 years ago.

    i used to kick that same kid in the balls and a friend who is like 5 years older than me gave him a seriously horrendous wedgie. he hung him upside down by his underwear. I once recorded me giving him a wedgie that you could hear the underwear ripping.


    nothing like Deep Thoughts.



    I jumped off a 55 foot train bridge that was over a river into 4 feet of water, landed on a rock and crushed my heel.



    during my first freshman year at purdue, in retaliation for stealing his towel from the communal shower every day for a week (thus ensuring he had to walk down the hallway naked back to our room) my dorm roomate used my toothbrush to clean his asshole. I wasn’t told this until a week later (and didn’t realize because i was a drunken stoner who rarely showered), and in that week i ate the pussy of the girl who would later become that guys long time girlfriend (they live in baltimore together 8 years later).



    This thread is turning out PRETTY GOOD.

    I was about 10 & my sister was 14. She got ringworm (rash) on her head. She was afraid to tell my mother (who was/is a psycho) so the rash got worse & my sister started to GO BALD. She had a big ass bald spot on top of her head & she was combing her hair over to hide it. My mom finally saw it, freaked out & brought her to the doctor. A little ointment cleared it up though…..



    my retarded coworker says words funny, i think its because of where he is from (im not sure where he is from) he says the word book like boo (like what a ghost says)-k and instead of saying jimmy johns (i used to be the general manager of one before i got this job) he say g-me- johns.

    anyway, since i am bored and angry at him for sucking at everything, I decided to start a game called “stuff i can get my retarded co-worker to say”

    today’s word: cornish game hen

    edit: SUCCESS!! (i may turn this into its own thread if it catches on)



    today’s word: transmogrification



    oh and once when i was 4 i stapled my finger. instead of checking to see what i was crying about, my mom, god bless her, smacked me over the head with a wooden spoon because she was on the phone and couldn’t hear the conversation.

    my mom’s entire side of the family does this, the sky could be raining down goat semen and whatever is on the other end of that phone line would be more important

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