Scott Carson(Hershel Walker’s Can) letter to MMA fans.
- November 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm #24136
Scott Carson’s appeal to MMA fans as seen also on BE.
Dear MMA fans,
I’ll tell you one thing. I’m a lot better fighter than the one I’ve been reading about on the Internet that I just found out about yesterday. This is a huge deal for me because I’ve been jerking it to Playboy magazines all these years, and it’s a tremendous opportunity, but you’d think I was nothing going off what has been written by some of these keyboard warriors, who I doubt have ever stepped in a cage. I really doubt it because cages are scary. Have you seen them? Really, how do you get in? is there a door? Do I catapult myself in? I don’t know how to catapult. It’s a lot easier to sit in front of a computer and talk shit than it is to actually fight because when was the last time you heard of someone getting side jabbed by a keyboard…uh never duh…. I am trying to take it all in stride(not the flavorful gum), but I have no idea why some people are talking so negatively without ever having seen me, my face is plastered all over the sexual predator sites. They don’t know me and it’s not like I’m not good because I’m legally half retarded with my dead twin brother’s fetus floating in my intestines. I’m pretty well-rounded with good standup and wrestling, not to mention my sweet spinning back judo chop to the liver, followed by X, O, B RT RT X, X because I like nintendo360.
They say I’m old at 40 but I don’t feel 40 and I certainly don’t look 40; I’m a mix of David Hasselhofs chest and Susan Surandans sagging ass. I think I look 30 and I’m in great shape. I’m ripped, I got a nice set of nips just like Herschel. I’m going to be more ready for Dec. 4 than I have for any other fight because I wasn’t more ready before when I got knocked out before, I was just at a normal rate of readiness. So I’m sure I’m more ready now. I plan to shut up all the critics, each and every one of them. Let them write something factual after they’ve seen me on Dec. 4. when I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing out there.
I’m really excited about fighting a great athlete like Herschel. I’m training every day. But the fact that some people aren’t giving me a chance is only giving me extra motivation. This is going to be a great fight because I trained real hard, you should see my garage. It’s got a mattress as the ultimate fighting mat and I set up a series of doggy gates as the perimeter to act as the fence of the ultimate fighting fence. My favorite subject in school was always freetime.
I mean, it’s been a decade sure, doesn’t mean I’ve been eating donuts and canoodling my neighbors dog’s bumhole. No way. I don’t care what that old slam-fart says about bestiality. It’s the way I was brought up. My mom and dad would fuck the chickens to get them tender for dinner. That’s how Shake-N-Bake was created. They wanted to call it Shake-N-Fuck but that wouldn’t fly with the patent people. With that said, I’m ready to show who the real chicken fucker is when I step in that cage like a horny dog on fight night. I don’t even know the rules since I’ve been gone far so long, so I’m going with the mantra that anything goes. Punching with the fists and shit I’m pretty sure is still legal so I got that in store. I also heard biting is okay and headbutts are only frowned upon. I mean, what are they gonna do you know? Dana White aint’ got nothing on me. Walker is just a stepping stone. I want the big dogs like Ricco Rodriguez and Tito Ortiz. I also want Tank Abbot, man those guys are beasts! So come fight night I’m sticking a boot up Hershel Walkers ass, and by boot I mean my dick because I think of Walker as sexy horse meat and ain’t nothing better than a dick in clenched horse ass.
Scott Carson aka Scott “Big Dick Sucker” Carson. I mean shit.
Ps, I can’t find that delete button on my keyboard. Oh, that’s right, it’s covered in snake semen. Don’t ask how it got there. Fuck. This is even worse now that you know I suck big dicks.
PSS I didnt mean to write that up there and I was lying about that whole sucking dick part and jizzing snake story. Totally made up. Ok, I’m leaving now, I don’t want to use up all the internet.
Hasta la vista baby
^is that still cool? My boyslaves said it was.
PS. Fuck again. I don’t really have boyslaves. Trust me. Are the cops on their way?November 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm #101776
HA!! That was fucking funny. Did he really write that? I’ll be cheering for him now….November 10, 2010 at 9:35 am #101853
He wrote it. the edited version is on bloody vagina. i had a great time with that.November 10, 2010 at 2:38 pm #101861
If most of that funny was you, then I don’t want to read the original. It would ruin my now positive image of this bum.November 10, 2010 at 3:04 pm #101865
i love you.November 10, 2010 at 7:10 pm #101898
Now all he needs to do is walk out to the cage wearing a leather jacket and black sunnies, boy slaves in gimp costumes lead out by him under collar and leash, and carrying a can opener in his back pocket.November 11, 2010 at 6:57 pm #101991
He should just call Petruzelli….It’s not like he hasn’t done that before.November 12, 2010 at 6:06 am #102034
seths on ufc 122 i berieve…November 12, 2010 at 3:36 pm #102059
^ You treat avatars like facial hair.November 13, 2010 at 3:16 am #102115
^very gently and with a lot of thought?
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