Cowboy’s are gay and stupid
- March 26, 2012 at 6:42 am #28216#1.Cowboys
“The cowboy” is probably the most iconic character in the history of the U.S. Everyone immediately recognizes them by their cowboy hats and fancy belt buckles, riding their horses while shooting at each other or, as was more often the case, at Native Americans.
Go back to whatever country you came from, Indians!
Totally Stolen From:
Wild West shows and silent Westerns.
We’ve already mentioned how the “Wild West” saw less gun violence than Amish daycares, and we’ve also challenged the common misconception that there was ever any significant difference between a cowboy and a hobo. Both myths were started by Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. These late 19th/early 20th-century vaudevillian spectacles were about as representative of the real West as porn movies are of the pizza delivery business. It was those shows that created the template for the “Western look,” including, among other things, the “10-gallon hat” invented by Buffalo Bill specifically for his performances.
It’s a hat! It’s a bucket! Nope! It’s pure bullshit!
Despite what the movies taught us, a silly hat and unironically ending each sentence with “partner” doesn’t make you a real cowboy. An uneventful life of working for minimum wage and poor personal hygiene are way closer to the mark. In reality, the only real difference between a typical cowboy’s attire and a burlap sack was the occasional presence of buttons. The colorful cowboy look created by Buffalo Bill survived thanks to stupid people who brought it with them from the East and whose only interaction with the Wild West was the shows they’d seen. This would be like making assumptions on African culture in the outback based on the way lions interact with lion tamers at the circus. Stupid, right? Well, everything you think of when you picture the Wild West is just that ridiculous.
The style was later immortalized by silent Western actors such as Tom Mix. After launching his career in 1917, Mix appeared in a number of movies sporting the 10-gallon hat, silver buckles and clothes full of fringes, popularizing the made-up look among later “cowboys” who just didn’t know any better. In their defense, the notion that movies can lie to you must have been new at the time.
They had no way of knowing.
The modern image of “the cowboy” was completed with silent films starring G.M. “Broncho Billy” Anderson, who defined the stereotypical cowboy personality: cordial to the ladies, deadly with a gun, presumably hated by his horse for constantly putting it through dangerous stunts. In reality, however, most cowboys were dirty, underpaid farmhands with insanely boring lives.
And really, if someone started making your shitty job look awesome in the movies, you’d probably go with it too …
Accounts Receivable just got real.#4.Cowboy: Boredom, Low Pay, Uncontrollable Cow Shitting
Most men, having watched a few Clint Eastwood movies, have probably thought to themselves that being a cowboy would be the coolest thing since God invented the burrito. You have a wicked hat, you have guns, you have a horse. It seems like most of your life is gambling, drinking and shooting assholes. How bad could that be?
Wyatt Earp, Jesse James, Billy the Kid and whoever the hell Leonardo DiCaprio was supposed to be in that Sharon Stone movie, all made us think cowboys were king shit of the wild west.
Why it Sucked:
Cowboys were called cowboys for a reason. You’re a dude who works with cows. There wasn’t so much gunslinging and adventuring as there was riding alongside cattle as they slowly lumbered their way toward trains, to be loaded up and shipped north. These cattle drives were sometimes up to a 1,000 miles long, and the task of trotting along and making sure your mass army of cows didn’t decide to up and head east to become sea cows, was about the most boring and smelliest job in history.
“What are we doing today, cows? Walking, and shitting? Oh, awesome, terrific.”
The closest most cowboys got to excitement was wrangling cattle to be branded or castrated, because nothing says excitement quite like forcing a dim-eyed beast into a corner to have someone saw off its balls. The rest of the time the cowboy performed mundane ranch duties, stomping through ankle-high piles of cow turds the whole time. The pay was about the equivalent of working at Taco Bell.
Eventually the era of the cowboy ended. Did a new gunslinging sheriff ride into town and restore order through the barrel of a six gun? No, ranchers just figured out that the job could be done better by a few dollars worth of metal wire. The invention of the barbed wire fence pretty much rendered the cowboy obsolete, since cows have subpar fence climbing skills at best and once they were fenced in, there wasn’t much need for round-ups.
Then the railroads expanded, so cattle didn’t need to be walked 1,000 miles to the nearest station for shipment. The last cowboys were forced to play sad songs on the harmonica out on the open range before riding off into the sunset, which we assume means they went to join some kind of cabaret show.March 26, 2012 at 7:09 am #275508
did you just do a copy and paste from cracked?March 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm #275514
agreed.March 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm #275516
You lie. They are still real to me.March 26, 2012 at 5:30 pm #275518
should’ve just posted the link. so much easier to ignoreMarch 26, 2012 at 5:44 pm #275519
oh come on dont you guys get it?March 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm #275523
You hate Serronay?March 26, 2012 at 6:33 pm #275526
This is plagiarism! No way our beloved energy drinked hillbilly wrote this!March 26, 2012 at 6:52 pm #275531
i just looked at the pictures. should i make time to read it?March 26, 2012 at 7:09 pm #275534
OmomattaMemberMarch 26, 2012 at 7:12 pm #275536
The thing I don’t get is why?March 26, 2012 at 7:17 pm #275537
isnt that the ultimate question (the why) to the answer 42?March 26, 2012 at 7:35 pm #275541
cowboys are stupid and so are youMarch 26, 2012 at 7:47 pm #275543
agreed.March 26, 2012 at 8:04 pm #275547
plus they eat pudding… man pudding
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