1) Porn, masturbation, and
1) Porn, masturbation, and loneliness. And Full Throttle. Lots of Full Throttle.
2) First off, Kevin James has two first names. Second, he’s fat, which is supposed to make people even funnier, which is why people first laughed at Carlos Mencia, then found out they weren’t laughing at his stolen jokes(which were found to be not funny ever) but only laughed in the first place because he’s fat. First off for the 3rd times, I too watched the Zookeeper trailer and it has talking animals. They decided they wanted to make another Night at The Museum but without Ben Stiller, without comedy and with someone fat. Thus, your sadness. Also, they really liked Dr. Doolittle, but hate black people, also known as Blackula Jonez. (whaddup Blackula mad crazy bitches up in da club nah mean shit ain’t nothin but bud on my nuts, poppin 40’s fuckin muts…)
3) All I know New Years celebrations won’t be the same without 100 mexicans outside my house drinking Tecate’s and Corona’s with their kids shoved in jumpers playing beaner music and mexican rap shooting pistols in the air.
4) They said they sent me gifts. None has arrived so far. I got a box of hot tamales for my birthday last month so that’s the barometer.
5) No amount of money buries the regret of enlisting. Only isohunt.com, sluts in bars, porn, and the prospect of killing North Koreans.