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Fights ahoy!

We’ve been so busy talking shit about random crap lately that we’ve ignored a whole bunch of ‘real’ MMA news, like who’s gonna fight who. Apparently in this mixed martial arts thing, that’s kinda an important factor. So we’re gonna catch you up to speed on all the bookings that have been made lately:

Carmelo Marrero vs Mike Ciesnolevicz @ IFL New Jersey: You might remember Marrero as the fluffy blanket that exposed Cheick Kongo’s non-existant ground game (as if ‘Kickboxer from France’ didn’t make that fact clear enough when he arrived). He’s facing Mike Ciesihfosfhaih, who’s done a pretty job against everyone in the IFL except Andre Gusmao, who’s beat him twice. Kryptonite, baby!

Jake Shields vs Drew Fickett @ Strikeforce: This one has been rumored forever but is finally official. It’s for the EliteXC welterweight belt, but I doubt it’ll take Jake Shields 5 rounds to defeat Drew Fickett. If you don’t know Jake Shields, you should just punch yourself in the face. Drew Fickett’s that dude who gave Karo that brutal cut under his eye, and that’s about the only real accomplishment he managed in the UFC. Oh, and he also likes to start fights at grappling events.

Nate Marquardt vs Thales Leites @ UFC 85: This should be a fucking barn burner – Nate looked pretty good against Jeremy Horn, nearly ripping the dude’s head off his body during their fight. Thales Leites’ only loss comes against Martin Kampmann, but past that he’s perfect. Marquardt will be Leites’ biggest challenge yet, so lets cross our fingers and hope he rises to the occasion. The UFC desperately needs a new middleweight contender or two.

Thiago Tavares vs Matt Wiman @ UFC 85: Here’s a chance for Thiago Tavares to live up to the Thiago name after a shitty performance against Michihiro Omigawa. Matt Wiman’s looked pretty good against lackluster opponents, so this is a step up for him.

Thiago Silva vs Antonio Mendes @ UFC 84 : They’re feeding Thiago Silva a UFC virgin for some reason, which seems like a big waste to me. I suppose they’re hoping a few more brutal knockouts will make people stand up and take notice that Silva is the real fucking deal.

Roan Carneiro vs Ryo Chonan @ UFC 85 : Roan Carneiro looked pretty good against Jon Fitch and even better against Tony DeSouza. We all know Ryo Chonan’s got the chops but can he put it together in the octagon? This could be a pretty good fight or another stinker. I’m hoping Carneiro’s aggressive jiu jitsu pushes Chonan to actually … ya know … fight?

Ricky Hatton vs   Juan Lazcano @ Manchester Stadium: Hatton returns to the ring in England to face off against Juan Lazcano, who as far as I can tell seems to be a heavy underdog. A nice soft rebound for Fatton, a good beatdown for the UK fans and a few more belts for his collection to boot.

  • dignan says:

    You missed the boat completely on this one FL(Unless you’re planning a full website spread on the fight of the century.)

    Starnes vs. Quarry.

  • eh, that one’s been on the books for a while, like 2 weeks now

  • Steve4192 says:

    “Drew Fickett’s that dude who gave Karo that brutal cut under his eye, and that’s about the only real accomplishment he managed in the UFC”

    Are you kidding?

    He’s also the guy that a 14 minute dry humping at the hands of Koscheck before dropping him with a glorious knee and his choking his ass out, giving Kos his first UFC defeat.


  • garth says:

    good god, fickett’s knee/choke win over koscheck was pure awesomeness. add that to his game showing against a hardassed karo parisyan and he made me a fan. Jake Shields is an awesome fighter and this would be his title defense if Mike Pyle wasn’t such a closet case. EliteXC has managed to score some real douchebags…Nick Diaz’s performance after they stopped the noons fight, and Pyle’s ridiculous pouting after Shields beat his ass. This should be a fuckin war, i’m jacked for it.

  • garth says:

    That’s “Handsome” Matt Wiman to you, mister. Hopefully, he’ll signal “Hey, I’m ok” to Tavares and get KTFO’d again like against Spencer Fischer. And didn’t Roan Careieriereeeriero basically give up against Fitch after getting pulverized for a couple rounds?

  • #1 jackal says:

    Mike Ciesihfosfhaih

    You pronounce his name like that to? So do I!

  • He had Fitch in a bind in the first round, then Fitch’s corner exposed his weaknesses and he got taken down. I was still pretty impressed tho

  • garth says:

    i hadn’t read that drew fickett drunk at the ADCC story before. that’s pretty god damned awesome.
    anyone else pissed Showtime isn’t airing the ICON event this (?) weekend? i hate watching “streaming feeds” of MMA. on my cable/powerbook connection i get resolutions so shitty i expect to see someone dancing too fast in blackface.

  • Yeah, streaming sucks bawls