Fedor routes Russian sambo, reduces tournament to rubble

February 8, 2008 – 9:00 am by fightlinker

Fedor Emelianenko has turned his attention away from MMA to once again dominate Russia’s national sport of Sambo. “I am here to destroy, devestate, and decimate,” said Fedor as he arrived at SSK club. “My opponents will not be left standing. Fedor is no one’s bitch.”

Earlier in the year, Fedor swept the European Sambo Championships. Only one opponent was brave enough to face him - Fedor crushed every bone in his body. “Let this be a message to the wives of all who face me: your husbands will be ruined. Only a husk shall remain.”

Day one of the Russian Sambo Championships went the same, with Fedor humiliating his three competitors in under two minutes. Bystanders looked on in horror as Fedor smashed his second opponent’s nose to dust and drank his blood from a gourd fashioned from the skull of some past victim.

At the end of the day, Fedor hung back to intimidate lower weight class fighters and threaten children. “Do you not see that I cannot be stopped? Bow before me, dogs. I am superior to you all.”

When asked why he continues to ravage Sambo tournaments around the world, keeping all glory to himself rather than allow others a chance to win, Fedor answered “All glory belongs to Fedor. All Sambo belongs to Fedor. Someday when I am old and decrepit a new champion may replace me. But he will have to kill me. And Fedor, he does not die so easy, hmm?”

Next stop for Fedor after the Russian Sambo Tournament is the Special Olympics, where he plans to defeat autistic Russian gold medalist Grubo Trevsnotvik. “Grubu, he take away from my Sambo legacy.” says Fedor with a small smile. “No one in Sambo is safe from my wrath. It is absolute!”