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Eugh.

It was a slow news day today so I decided to sit down and watch all of Lyoto Machida’s fights to see if I’ve been too hard on him. This was a mistake. Watching Lyoto Machida makes me want to shoot myself in the face with a rifle. Like literally get one of those big long barrel rifles and get it all cocked and ready, then put the end to my face and the butt to the floor. I would then use my toe to pull the trigger and blow my fucking brains all over the place. That is how terrible it is watching Lyoto Machida fight.

54 COMMENTS
  • kentyman says:

    Insightful Machida critique, as usual.

  • crs says:

    My thoughts on the sackless wonder as well. NEVER CHANGE.

  • natureboy says:

    omg. lyoto is like, so elusive.

  • Jemaleddin says:

    @natureboy: I don’t think you’re properly capturing his elusivity. The man’s as elusive as an elusive fighter can be. The way he eludes so elusively is amazing.

    Strangely, isn’t he in the Ultimate FIGHTING Championship promotion, not the Ultimate ELUDING Championship? I hate him SO much.

  • crs says:

    HAY GUYZ U JUST DONT GIT IT. U MUST B KNEW MMA FANZ BCUZ IF U NEW NETHING ABOUT MMA U WOOD NO THAT MACHIDA ISNT BORING HES JUST ELLUSIVE OF COURSE I DONT NO WHAT THAT WORD MEANS BUT THE ANNOUNCERS KEPT SAYING IT SO IT MUST B TRU

    WHY DO U PAY FOR A WEBSIGHT IF U NO NOTHING ABOUT MMA U CANADA FAGITS STOP SAYING MEAN STUFF ABOUT MACHIDA BCUZ MACHIDA PWNS U!!!1111!

  • garth says:

    if machida wins the belt, will the pissing drown out the moaning? i figure there’ll be enough of it to eventually cover people’s heads.

  • Steve says:

    I love Machida, if for no other reason than the fact that he kept on referring to Tito Ortiz as ‘Cheeto’.

  • crs says:

    HAY IF MACHIDA WINS TEH BELT THEN IT WOOD B GOOD 4 TEH SPORT BCUZ HES CLEARLY TEH BEST FIGHTER AT 205LBS AND DANA WHITE WOOD B HAPPY AND TEH FANS WOOD COME AROUND

    PLUS HES JUST WEIGHTING 2 START KOING FIGHTERS 4 WHEN HES CHAMPION LIEK HE USE 2 IN HIS FIGHTS B4 UFC EVEN THO I HAVENT SCENE THEM EVER BUTT SINCE HE ONE I IMAGINE IT WAS BY A BROOTALL NOCK OUT BCUZ HE HAS KO POWER 4 DAZE!!!111!!!

  • garth says:

    dude, crs, we get it, ha ha.

  • robnashville says:

    see me, i’m more of a jab a fork in my eye rather than watch Machida kind of guy…. that was my first response to the Machida tito fight over at bloody elbow

  • Atom says:

    i don’t get it

  • i was #1 Jackal but now I WANNA B LIKE CRS says:

    I AM GONA START TALKIN LICKE CRS.

    THIS ISA KINDA AWESMOE.
    IT TACKES AWHILES 2 TALKING LICKE A RERARD, BUT ITS KINDA FUN THING 2 DO WIN ITS A REARY SLOWS DAY 4 MMA NEWS.
    SHIT MA GOO, THIS IS BUTTER THEN WATCHING KARATE KID MACHIDO FIGHTS ALL DAY LONGS
    I THINKS DAT MACHIDA SCHALL GO UPPER IN WAIT CLASSES AND HE SCHALL BE ABLE 2 FIGHT JAKE OBRIEN,

  • Suqleg says:

    I usualy agree with you but on this I am on the other side of the fence. In 10 minutes locked in a cage with another pro fighter (Ortiz) he was struck 4 times to his 69 strikes. Thats impressive to me. I find him interesting as hell to watch. Not the same interest I have in say Silva but on a different level.

  • RL Dookiefuck says:

    If you run a blog and can’t enjoy one watching one of the most talented competitors in the sport you cover you should probably just follow your instincts and blow your brains out now, Evan Tanner style.

  • Elfenstein says:

    i want to see machida elusively beat mr fightlinker … wonder what that would look like .. canadian bloody pulp anyone ?

  • Immak says:

    @Suqleg:

    Come on, now – logic and fact have no place here.

    Surely, what you really meant was “LOL I WILL TRY TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE THAT LIKE MACHIDA IN AN OBNOXIOUS WAY, AS THOUGH I WAS THE PIONEER OF FUNNY AND CAPS-LOCK ON THE INTERNET”?

  • Xavier says:

    Everyone should walk straight forward and punch each other in the head until someone falls down boom.

  • dragomort says:

    You’re so looking at it wrong. He beats the crap out of people without being hurt at all using point-karate. I can think of nothing that makes me laugh-out-loud more than that and it makes all of his fights incredibly entertaining.

  • Popetastic says:

    Machida vs. Jake O’Brien…. fight of the century!

  • This is the same shit that’s leveled against Floyd Mayweather and there’s no right or wrong. It’s purely subjective and fight aesthetics preferences. If you prefer fighters to come out of the Octagon looking like someone took a sledgehammer to their face, Lyoto’s not your man. But no other fighter in the world has his sense of fight spacing. Even in the much smaller ring, not one fighter could truly track him him down and corner him. That’s pretty remarkable in and or itself.

  • toolverine says:

    Evan Tanner’s beard would absorb the shotgun blast.

  • smoogleton says:

    If you don’t throw hockey style haymakers all the time, you are on FL’s shit list

  • Nachtfalter says:

    You don’t like Machida, you don’t like to watch him fight, that’s your prerogative. But me, I’m all over his cock. I love this guy. And yes, I love to see him fight. To me, his fights are exciting BECAUSE he is smart and, yes, elusive. He fights with his brain instead of just his fists and his chin like (just a random example) Chris Leben. That’s why Chris Leben will retire in his early thirties a broken man that nobody will remember and Lyoto won’t. If I had to pinpoint one guy as an example that fighters aren’t complete fucking morons, Lyoto is the guy I would point at.

  • godzillad says:

    MACHIDA HAS KNOCKOUT POWER! Just ask Bonnar and Dimitry Wanderlei, who he both KOed brutally!

    Wait…….

  • Well, his knockout of Franklin was very impressive and his coming out party since it was only his 3rd professional MMA bout while Franklin was undefeated for his previous 13 bouts including wins over Tanner and Eastman back when the two were still good fighters.

  • Rob says:

    YOU ARENT A REAL MMA FAN IF YOU DONT THINK THAT MACHIDA IS THE MOST EXCITING MMA FAN EVER!

    His fight with bj penn was so amazing that i had to fall asleep 10 minutes in. So my mind could wake up more refreshed when I watched it the second time.

  • fightfan says:

    Did you watch the Bonnar/Machida fight??? He put a beating on Bonnar.

    Amazes me how the UFC can market people into beleiveing they are superior fighters, while NO MARKETING means people think that Machida is a joke.

    They put someone like Bisping against very one dimensional and/or much weaker competition and he looks like a superstar…..You put the SAME people against Machida that have fought Bisping…..MACHIDA would murder each and everyone of them!!! And Machida would beat Bipsiong hands down. Also to not….Machida could probably also drop to MW. But Bisping is this GREAT fighter, huh… ??????? If you put Bisping against the people that Machida has fought in the UFC, he would be lucky to win 1

    Just something to think about

  • fightfan says:

    Double..sorry

    The above rant in a sentence. If Machida fought the 7 or 8 cans that Bisping did in the UFC…..Machida would look like a huge superstar and probably look devastating doing it

  • Xenicore says:

    I love watching him fight. Top 3 favorite fighters–in terms of entertainment and talent, in my humble opinion. In a sport filled with WWE-laden marketing techniques, testosterone-driven drivel, and lots of mindless fans… Lyoto’s a breath of fresh air.

  • Boondock says:

    Anybody that fights for points and not for the finish is a bitch to me. Lets throw him in there with Wandy and see how elusive the pussy is.

  • godzillad says:

    ”If Machida fought the 7 or 8 cans that Bisping did in the UFC…..Machida would look like a huge superstar and probably look devastating doing it”

    *spit take*

    Then explain the Hogar, Vernon, Heath, Wanderley, and Wantanabi fights.

  • Nate says:

    you must not have watched the Rich Franklin fight, which was awesome. Or the Bonner fight. Or the Penn fight. Or the Sokudjo fight.

  • Fightlinker Jackal says:

    Lyoto Machida is definitely one of my top 5 favorite fighters.

  • Meat says:

    Some fans see and understand his fighting style, and it’s not their thing. I have no problem with that. It’s those people who don’t understand his game, or worse, think he’s just running away, or not fighting at all that really get to me. Here are some choice quotes:

    “Anybody that fights for points and not for the finish is a bitch to me.”

    “Strangely, isn’t he in the Ultimate FIGHTING Championship promotion, not the Ultimate ELUDING Championship? I hate him SO much.”

    These are the same ignorant fans who come to the live events and boo when the fight hits the mat, and call for immediate stand-ups. The original mystique of the sport was as a way to determine the most effective martial art. These days, that’s evolved into determining the most effective fighting style, as a mix of martial arts. He’s found a style that’s effective, which nobody’s come close to cracking. He’s one of the best in the game right now. If you see that, but find it boring, that’s fine, to each his own. But for some to say he isn’t fighting is nonsense.

  • Giantooo Shilbaaaa says:

    machida geteth his dicketh suketh

  • zeke says:

    Nate says:
    “you must not have watched the Rich Franklin fight, which was awesome. Or the Bonner fight. Or the Penn fight. Or the Sokudjo fight.”

    GTFO out of here with that shit. Apparently you didn’t watch the BJ Penn fight. BJ muthafuckin Penn is a lightweight and Lyoto couldn’t even finish him and won in an unimpressive decision. Rich Franklin really isn’t that good. He’s never beaten any A level fighters and nothing about his style is particularly impressive. And Bonnar fought Lyoto back in like fucking 2003. You know…… back when Shamrock was still winning fights….. I will admit that Machida looked good against Sokoudjo but then he went back to his garbage “elusive” style against Tito. There is no doubt in my mind that Lyoto can win against anybody in the UFC on the judge’s scorecards. But his job isn’t to simply win….it’s to also put on a show and he has absolutely no regard for that. People get fricking pissed when fighters lay and pray but when Lyoto is circling and using SUPER INCREDIBLE AWESOME AMAZING ELUSIVE footwork to basically avoid engaging against his opponent then it’s perfectly fine and skillful. “As long as he wins fights.” Right.

  • Johnny says:

    Like Dr. Dre said, express yourself.

    Allah Ackbar said: “It’s purely subjective and fight aesthetics preferences.”

    And then Boondock said: “Anybody that fights for points and not for the finish is a bitch to me.”

    Which sums up this entire thread.

    Can’t wait till Machida fights someone his haters can gun for (please, God, give us Wanderlei). Then we can fling shit at each other for real.

  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie says:

    Machida is elusive

  • Iain says:

    Nice post covering fresh ground.

  • Monkey boy says:

    The elusive logic of debating the elusive appeal of the elusive style of Lyoto “Elusive” Machida eludes me.

    I actually like the guy. He fights a smart fight, and has more balls than any of the keyboard warriors that like to bitch about his unwillingness to get lumped up for their entertainment. To hit without getting hit=skill.
    To stand and trade=”et up with the dumbass”

  • garth says:

    answer Meat’s post or STFU.

  • garth says:

    not you, Monkey Boy. Everyone

  • SomeGuy says:

    I like Machida, I really do. He’s not, as someone mentioned, Anderson Silva entertaining but he is just as good a fighter as Silva is – just not in the same way. There is such a thing as a good fight that ends in a decision and I consider all of Machida’s decisions good matches.

    Honestly, I hope they give him another tough fight soon (Tito was a great fight, if only to expose Lyoto to a greater audience and make Tito look even more like a jackass). Then we can have Wandy vs Lyoto for the title shot when Wandy and Lyoto crush (or elude) their next opponents.

  • #1 Jackal says:

    I like machida becuase he beat tito, and that is good enough for me

  • cyph says:

    ^ I concur.

  • RL Dookiefuck says:

    everyone should blow their brains out

  • Johnny says:

    crs: I replied to your post comparing Sylvia and Machida. Then you said “that’s not what I meant” or something. I mean, what’s a Lyoto fan to do? You’re being so elusive.

  • crs says:

    @Johnny: My apologies, sir. There’s been so much Machida talk my memory only stores the past weeks worth. I’ll go back and re-read your reply.

  • Meat says:

    “I made basically the same comments and I do NOT boo ground fighting as long as ACTION is taking place.”

    Point taken, I was being too broad in grouping the two types of fans together, however I do think that both are being ignorant, though for different reasons. I didn’t see where you made a similar comment, but if you said something like “fighting for points is for bitches” or “he’s not fighting,” it’s on you to explain why this isn’t ignorant. Just as those booing fans don’t have an appreciation for groundwork, you don’t have an appreciation for Machida’s style of standup.

    And just to get the bandwagon comment out of the way, I was breaking down his style, and standing up to his detractors after his first fight in the UFC. Not that it really matters.

    As I already commented, the sport’s foundation is still as a competition to determine which fighting style is more effective. It’s just evolved over the years from being a competition of strictly one-dimensional fighters, e.g. BJJ vs. Boxing, to a competition between fighters schooled in multiple disciplines at various levels, e.g. Brown Belt BJJ + Muay Thai Champ vs. NCAA Div I Wrestler + Purple Belt BJJ + Boxer

    Machida’s developed his own niche style where he can control the fight to remain in a position where he’s absolutely dominant over his opponents – using a ranged karate attack, which despite your derisions, would be best described as elusive. As others have pointed out, in his fight against Tito, he outstruck him over 10 to 1 in the first few rounds. How is that not fighting? How is that not dominant? He’s not lay ‘n praying the guy, he’s punching him in his face, and kicking away his base. He’s coming out of the fight unscathed, while his opponent is bloodied up – how is that not winning the fight? If anything, you should be smacking Tito for not finding a better way to engage. It’s not like he didn’t know this was coming – was that the best gameplan Tito could come up with? It’s not up to Machida to stand there to get hit, it’s up to Tito to find a way to hit Machida. You don’t expect a striker to leave his arm dangling in the air to be armbarred, so why expect someone to stay in the pocket to take a punch?

    Just as a pure striker would try to defend take down attempts, and just as a submission artist would try to immediately ground said striker, Machida is trying to keep the fight at range where he excels. To fight him, fighters either need to successfully corner him (which Tito once managed, and then got the better of the exchanges in the clinch), or they need to close the range quickly and strike, faster than Machida can get out of range, while also not exposing openings – something Tito tried, but didn’t manage, when Machida grounded him with a liver shot. Or that Heath tried, but was clinched and met with countless knees to the head.

    Blame the opponents for not taking the risks necessary to close the distance where they have a chance to impose their will. Machida’s fighting his game, using a style where he far outclasses his opponents. His opponents haven’t been willing to take the risks necessary to win – or have tried, but have been caught, and didn’t have the guts to try again.

    Fans are entertained by different things, I can accept that, but that’s something you need to accept also. Some fans are entertained by his style, and his style is just another facet of the sport. He’s fighting using his own unique style, and he’s winning.

  • Monkey boy says:

    Pretty articulate and thoughtfull for a guy that goes by the name “Meat”
    I gotta wonder, though, after reading something that exhaustive, do some of us take the MMA thing just a little too seriously?

  • I know I do!

    *shifty eyes*

  • MrNiceGuyMMA says:

    I can’t wait till someone knocks his ass out.

  • Meat says:

    “I gotta wonder, though, after reading something that exhaustive, do some of us take the MMA thing just a little too seriously?”

    I think you’re just venting because you didn’t think of calling yourself Meat first :/

  • “Meat” is a glorious name indeed

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