Because of his unique “Fuck with me and die” approach to business and friendships, Dana White has been accused of being pure concentrated evil. But what about the accusations that he is in fact the dark lord Satan himself? Are they legitimate, or simply hyperbole? Consider this:
SIMILARITIES TO THE DEVIL:
- Both make their victims sign evil contracts designed to rape their souls.
- Dana White has Tourrettes, also known as the tongue of Lucifer.
- Both have hairless egg-like heads
- Similar beady eyes that sparkle with evil.
But most of us understand that it’s quite silly to actually think that Dana White is the devil. The far more likely reality is that Dana is simply in league with the devil, or has signed his soul away to the devil in exchange for power and riches. I’d also like to acknowledge the group who have suggested a magic genie bottle may be involved, but would like to state that since Dana White isn’t a Secret Muslim (another popular theory), I think it’s unlikely he’d run into any Ali-Baba shit.
On the other end of the spectrum, Dana White has a growing cult of followers who seem to believe he is some kind emissary of the Lord sent here to make the sport of MMA awesome. Is he a saint? Or perhaps even an angel??? Consider this:
SIMILARITIES TO ANGELS:
- Dana’s arrival heralded by trumpets at start of every UFC broadcast
- Smites his enemies with a sword powered by God’s holy wrath
- Overpowering voice that pierces ears
- Cherubic appearance (may just be a post Pinkberry glow thing)
Unfortunately it looks like our examination has turned up inconclusive at this time so we advise that until further investigation can be done, MMA fans should resist the temptation to hold Dana up as their god or set him on fire for heresy.
This is another sidebar item thingy for the UFC portion of the Fightlinker book. I wanna beef up the angel part but this is a pretty good first draft I think. If anyone has any more funny Dana devil / angel similarities, giv’r!
Oh, and as a shirt idea, any thoughts on Dana White Devil shirt? They’d be similar to the Free Randy shirt but feature a red dana white head with horns and the devil goatee. Or how about a super street fighter style anime redo of the above picture of dana white making fighters dance on his strings? Jake thinks we’d get sued pretty quick if we did them. What do you think?