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Dana and Tito are fucking faggots

WARNING: This is a long, angry rant.

First off, to anyone who is actually a homosexual and reading this, I don’t want to hear any shit about the use of the word faggot. Fuck off. We’ve been over it time and time again so I don’t want to listen to any “merrr that’s an offensive term and very hurtful” bullshit.

For those who frequent MMA sites like this one but can’t seem to remember the relationship between Dana White and Tito Ortiz — I’m talking to you, Alzheimer’s patients — they have both stated time and time again that they literally hate each other. Dana has made it clear over and over again that Tito would never again fight for the UFC as long as he was in charge. Tito, on the other hand, has continuously said that he will never again fight for the UFC for as long as Dana was with the company. These are two guys that used to be the best of pals, mind you. Now check out this little exchange the two had on that piece of shit thing called Twitter (by the way — could they have named it anything fruitier?).

Tito: Yeah, me and Dana made up. I’m expecting to be inside the Octagon again soon.

Dana: Yes, Tito and I made up. Doesn’t mean he’s back. It means we aren’t smashing each other anymore and we don’t hate each other.

My major problem with this is not the fact that it means Tito will likely be returning to the UFC. That’s a good thing for everyone. Based on his performances against Forrest, Rashad, and Machida, the Huntington Beach Bad Boy still has what it takes to succeed at a high level in this sport. He is one of the biggest draws MMA has ever had (alongside Chuck Liddell and Brock Lesnar). Simply put, Tito back in the UFC is good for the company, the sport, and the fans alike.

My problem is these two fuckbags having a highly public argument lasting years on end only to kiss and make up out of nowhere — not to mention announcing it on Twitter.

Look, Dana White is one of the biggest reasons why the UFC and MMA have grown so much over the past few years and you are an absolute cockface if you think otherwise. Aside from that, anyone who calls themselves a man doesn’t publicly bash someone and talk about how he hates that person over the course of years only to have a one-time conversation, make up, and then announce it publicly. What that’s called is a disagreement. Dana had an argument with Tito and they disliked each other for a very long time and it affected both their personal and professional relationships. Hating someone means you use every fiber of your being to focus negative thoughts on them when you see them or when someone even mentions their name.

For example, there’s this motherfucker who works the cash register at 7-11 down the street from me who constantly tries to give out the wrong change and pocket it to a large majority of the people that go in there. I hate this guy. If I’m driving and I see him walking in the street, I will try to hit him with my car in order to end his pitiful existence and then tell the police he came out of nowhere. If he tried to rationalize his petty thievery to me by saying his family was going through hard financial times and the family pet was sick, I would tell him he shouldn’t have spread his worthless seed if he couldn’t afford to pay for it and then I would kill his dog. If this man came to me in order to make amends of some sort, I would still hate him. Hate. It’s a fucking strong word.

As for Tito, where in the goddamn hell do I start? As good a fighter he is, this shithead has the brain capacity of a chimpanzee who suffered fetal alcohol syndrome — and that’s me being generous. I can cite his numerous failures with the English language, but that’s even too easy. Tito has spent the last few months consistently talking about how he was signing with organization X but then changed his mind and said he was close to a deal with organization Y only to flip again and say organization Z was the one he would be fighting for. This entire time he said the UFC was practically out of the question. The major problem with this — aside form the fact that it’s clearly stupid to anyone with an education beyond the 2nd grade — is that the only people who pay attention close enough to give a shit all knew it was bullshit every single time (meaning the hardcore MMA fans).

It’s like handing your teenage son Christmas presents each year and continuously saying they were from Santa, even though he discovered that Santa wasn’t real at the age of 7. Try as you might, you’re not fooling anyone. And that’s exactly what cocksucker Tito has been doing. Anyone with half a brain knew the UFC was his best option.

Tito fights at 205 pounds and literally 95% of the major light heavyweights on the planet are signed to the UFC. On top of that, he has potentially huge rematches with Rashad Evans and Forrest Griffin. If that wasn’t enough, the UFC is also the place he could earn the most money by far. And the worst part was claiming that the reason he wouldn’t go to the UFC was because Dana was there. Good business always trumps personal problems. Tito can make lots and lots of money working with Dana. To walk around and continuously say that the UFC wasn’t an option was fucking dumb. Actually, it was beyond dumb. Dumb is accidentally locking your car keys inside your car. Tito’s actions were offensive to any human with an operational brain. That means the word I’m looking for is retarded. And not retarded in a “haha you’re such a retard bro” type of way. I’m talking a “hey that retard is drooling all over itself and pissing it’s pants while wearing a helmet” type of way. Fuck you, Tito. Go eat a dick. Maybe your wife can give you some pointers on that one considering YOU MARRIED A PORN STAR WHO HAS HAD AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF PENISES INSIDE OF HER FACE.

Anyway, I think that’s it for my rant. I swear to God (or whoever it is that floats around in the sky and judges me for jerking off too much) that if I see Tito and Dana hug or shake hands on a UFC broadcast sometime in the near future I will spend my student loan money to go to Vegas and kick each of them in their tiny, tiny balls.

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