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Chris Wilson is ready to lose

The average UFC fan might not be too familiar with Chris Wilson, who is facing off against welterweight contender Jon Fitch this Saturday at UFC 82. But one thing they’ll know soon enough is that Chris Wilson isn’t afraid to grab on to the shitty end of the stick. “I’m here to get my ass kicked by Jon Fitch, and I’m totally ready for it.” he declared during his pre-fight preparation.

Originally Jon Fitch was supposed to fight Japanese fighter Akihiro Gono, who’s best known for his fluffy hats and elaborate entrance dances. But when Gono hurt has hand practicing his latest routine, the UFC was stuck having to find a replacement. “Thank God for Chris Wilson,” said UFC matchmaker Joe Silva. “We literally went through our entire contact book alphabetically before we found someone willing to take a beating from Fitch.”

“Gono doesn’t care who he fights. He’ll fight a grizzly bear so long as the organization lets him do a stupid dance number on the way to the cage. But most other fighters are a bit smarter about their careers. Losing to Jon Fitch is like being beaten by vanilla ice cream. It’s embarassing to lose to someone so bland.”

Enter Chris Wilson, who doesn’t mind the fact that he’s being set up to take a beating. “Hey, I was willing to suck some cock to get into the UFC. While that would still be preferable to the pounding I’m going to take on Saturday, I’ll take what I can get.”

Some people were still surprised by the fact that Silva would pair a UFC virgin against one of the top contenders in the organization’s strongest weightclasses, especially when there was a more obvious opponent for Fitch in the form of Karo Parisyan. A fight between these two would effectively settle the debate on who is the number one contender at welterweight.

“Oh, we considered Jon versus Karo from the start,” said Joe Silva. “While Karo didn’t exactly ask us not to put him up against Fitch, he did ask for someone less likely to beat him.”

An angry Karo Parisyan responded to our inquiries by saying “Hey, just because I’m avoiding the Fitch fight doesn’t mean I’m ducking him. I’d be happy to kick his ass, any day, any time. Except right now or before I get my title shot.”

  • Accomando says:

    Fitch is going to lose.

    Why did they go and ruin this Chris Wilson guy’s vacation/life, why didn’t the UFC just give the fight to Ryo Chonan, I heard he’s broke and desperate to fight. That fight would have made more sense anyway, man, the UFC can be fucking idiotic a lot of the time.

  • Dangerfield says:

    Apparently Wilson has some strong standup. Maybe if he can keep it standing he can pull through.

  • pauli says:

    that sums up something like 80% of the fights since 1993… and about 80% of them ended with a “guess not.”

  • Today at the weigh-ins, besides the Team Quest gang, I was seriously like the only one cheering for Chris. Which is too bad, he’s a great dude and very talented fighter. I really hope he at least gets a little chance to show some of his skills tomorrow.

  • Xavier says:

    Go Wilson, pull a Joe Lauzon!

  • #1 Jackal says:

    “We literally went through our entire contact book alphabetically before we found someone willing to take a beating from Fitch.”

    Best quote of the month

    War Fitch for the belt

  • ajadoniz says:

    i still dnt see how fitch got on the televised card, i would have preferred to watch jorge flop around on the mat looking for an armbar the whole night.

  • Doug MacEwan says:

    What the fuck is wrong with you disrespectful punks talking shit about someone who is not only the striking coach for one of the best fight teams in the world (Team Quest) but a man who is willing to get into the cage which is more than your minimum wage Helpdesk working WWE ass can say. Please stop disgracing an incredible sport with your middle-school antics and concentrate on finishing your last two terms at ITT Tech

  • Rob2Kx says:

    Behold Sherdog posters in all their glory. It’s scary to think that with a 99% literacy rate in North America and schooling for everyone, we’re the most intelligent generations to ever walk the Earth.

  • Lifer says:

    ITT Tech is a great school. I think they changed their name though.. can someone verify?

    Oh yeah.. Doug, have you EVER read this site before?

  • Chuck says:

    that sherdog thread makes me laugh.. some people were like “ITS SO COOL THAT HE CAN MAKE FUN OF HIMSELF LIKE THAT I THINK HE’S GOING TO DO WELL LOL”. double points for the fact that Doug MacEwan copy-pasted his response from himself on that thread. go back to sherdog you f0cking n00b!