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Chael Sonnen not afraid to call out the kettle

Here’s a sensitive topic for the guys. You ever been in a situation where you couldn’t get it up? Come on, we all have. Maybe you had too much to drink, whatever, and the air deflated from your tire at the moment of truth, leaving you humiliated, emasculated, and utterly defeated.

The unfortunate incident is followed by an awkward couple of days, but eventually you gain back your confidence, rock her world and you and your lady get over it. It’s swept under the rug and never spoken of again. And the last thing you ever want to do it bring it up again in any manner, even in jest.

Chael P. Sonnen doesn’t possess that ability to simply ignore history for the greater good. Oh no, Chael has the unique talent to completely amend the past to the point where certain events flat out did not happen.

Such is the case with Chael’s drug suspension for having through-the-roof testosterone levels in his first loss to Anderson Silva – before the legal loophole of therapeutic use exemption became all the rage. Having been nailed red-handed though, you’d think Chael would be the last person to bring up the topic for fear of inviting warranted criticism upon himself, much like you’d never bash another man for failure to perform when you yourself have fallen victim to the flaccid schwanz, at least not in the presence of the only witness, or every single one of her friends who kid yourself or not, she told.

But that’s what makes Chael so special. His never happened, and any talk of it is an unfair vilification of a perfect man who happens to have only one fully functional nut.

Sonnen went on The Jim Rome Show (transcription via BloodyElbow), and wasn’t the least bit apprehensive about putting the pot on his head and calling the kettle black regarding Juan Marquez’s knockout of Manny Pacquiao.

“Pacquiao got hit by a guy who miraculously went through puberty a second time at 39 years old. He got hit by a guy that showed up with more power at 39 than he had in any of the previous fights. He had a 6 pack that he never had before.

There’s two tests that you have, Jim. You’ve got the pee test, but you’ve also got the visual test. When you take your robe off and you get in the ring that’s your first test. And to act as if all of us didn’t go, ‘Something’s going on there.’

No, I haven’t said that (he’s on PEDs), but I sure came close, didn’t I? I know that Freddy Roach did. I know Freddy Roach said, ‘If that body’s clean, I kiss your ass.’ But you gotta understand, all substances aren’t illegal. Did he take something? Sure, he did. Did he take something illegal? Well, according to the test, no.

I just know you don’t go through puberty twice and I’ll leave it at that.”

Who knows if Marquez used PEDs. It wouldn’t surprise me either way. Maybe he did and it gave him the power to knock Manny out this time. Or maybe Manny is just too busy being a national icon and is training like Rocky in III with the spectators, the soft-ass music, and the stupid yellow headband; not like Clubber with spikes hanging out of a tenemant wall that he used for pull-ups.

That’s not the point though. The point is Chael’s amazing gift to recreate reality in his delusional image.

God, I wish I could do that. I wish I could just disregard every inconvenient thing in my life and create my own reality. It’s a substantial gift, I’d imagine. It’s a gift that not only allows Sonnen to vindicate himself for past transgressions while bashing others for the same things, but when you can look at someone with a straight face and repeat the same bullshit over and over again without blinking, it makes some people question what they previously thought infallible. That’s Sonnen’s gift.