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Chael Sonnen is giving himself Cancer

Chael must shop with Josh Barnett at Roids-R-Us


According to the California State Athletic Commission Chael Sonnen has failed his post fight drug test. If this is true Chael Sonnen would not only be a liar and a cheat but also a dumbass.

“Lance Armstrong did a number of things and he gave himself cancer,” Sonnen said on Pro MMA Radio, “He cheated, he did drugs, and he gave himself cancer. Well, instead of saying ‘Hey listen, I cheated and gave myself cancer, don’t be like me,’ he actually made himself the victim and then went out and profited something like $15 million from this ‘Hey, poor me, let’s find a cure for cancer’ campaign instead of just coming clean and saying, ‘Look, here’s what I did, I screwed myself up, and I hope people learn from my mistakes.'”

Ha well say goodbye to your balls Chael… that is if it’s true. MiddleEasy says there is a rumor going around that Chael tested positive because he was taking over the counter flu medications.

I hope it isn’t true for the sake of the sport since this was probably the most hyped fight, to ever take place since Fedor vs Randy was probably bigger, in MMA. If it isn’t true there needs to be better ways of testing people for steroids like maybe during their training.

I hope Chael isn’t a roidhead but if he is it just goes to show that all the steroids in the world can’t make you better at Jiu-Jitsu.

  • scissors61 says:

    Cue all the goofball Sonnen bandwaggoners with straw-man arguments about how “everyone else is doing it, Chael just got caught,” and endless threads speculating as to the “politics” behind him testing positive. Good thing Dana’s not as dumb as they are. Chael Sonnen couldn’t even beat Anderson Silva in an unfair fight. Fuck him.

  • P W says:

    “I hope it isn’t true for the sake of the sport since this was probably the most hyped fight, to ever take place since Fedor vs Randy was probably bigger, in MMA.”

    Man, that is some bumpy sentence structure!

  • fish tacos says:

    unorthodox, like Jon Jones

  • fish tacos says:

    unorthodox, like Jon Jones

  • Letibleu says:

    I know this guy who’s neighbor knows this girl that goes to the dog park with this person that knows the dealer that provided the Roids to Sonnen.

    Apparently it was a special kind engineered to strengthen the jaw muscles to help promote shit talking. It worked.

  • Reverend Clint says:

    bumpy like your moms ass

  • Letibleu says:

    Nate Marquardt just got promoted or they might cross their fingers Leben wins. There is also Okami, Belfort and Bisping (that one is me being funny and sarcastic).

    We really all wanted to see what answers Anderson had the second time around or what kind of crazy things would come out of Sonnen’s roid strengthened jaw. Now we might never know.

    We could do Leben vs Sonnen after the suspension. To the card we add Sherk, bring back Franka, add Alves, have Tim Sylvia vs Carwin (NOT), Stephen Bonnar somewhere, Marquardt (yes he popped positive in the past which is why his ‘I dont cheat’ after the grease thing made me sigh), Vitor (him too), Phil Baroni, Dennis Hallman vs Karo Parisyan (oh wait, UFC already is putting on that double dope whammy) ect… Could do it in Hawaii and call it “UFC 155, Roid on the Rock”.

  • Reverend Clint says:

    ^special guest ref…. josh barnett

  • P W says:

    Even with this VERY rudimentary drug screening a lot of fighters are getting caught. It’s definitely NOT in the UFC’s interest to try to step it up.

  • Komodo says:

    That’d be a great album title :)

    Bumpy Like Your Mom’s Ass

  • glassjawsh says:

    A “hillbilly” is now embarrassed for your grammar, clint

  • Reverend Clint says:

    ive been reading Forrest Griffins new book and he goes over commas in it. I put them where I want, when i want. Plus i figure if i can understand it you idiots can too

  • DJ ThunderElbows says:

    He might’ve been referring to the lack of apostrophes in your mom’s ass, Clint.

  • Reverend Clint says:

    There is a severe lack of ass apostrophes. ass’s galore

  • Schrute Boxe says:

    The Spider was available for his reaction:

  • FiveBoltMain says:

    No freaking way!!

  • Grass Hoppa says:

    I think it is definately in the UFC’s interest, and the sports, to step testing up. They just need to give an appropriate ‘grace period’. Eg: We will be have blood and piss tests post fight, and once randomly during training, comencing for any fight that is scheduled to take place 6 months or more from now.”

    Then if people get caught, their freakin idiots.

    On Chael, I hope he didn’t do it, and this is some bullshit thing from the commision. Do they take pre and post fight piss tests? If they do unusaul he would pass one and not the other…

  • Schrute Boxe says:

    yup it was from a pre-fight test

  • Márcio says:

    Is Chael naturally this fucking STUPID? Or he just tries really hard?