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Jake made a post earlier today about the giant balls that the Lesnar vs. Mir match-up is going to suck. I can’t agree. Plus, putting Lesnar’s name in a sentence involving ball sucking causes him to run out to his farm and murder a baby cow via angry girl hammer fists. Do you want the blood of that innocent animal on your hands? I sure wouldn’t — unless it ended up in delicious veal dinner for me.

The general consensus is that Couture vs. Nogueira is the fight everyone wanted to see. When Randy is done filming his potentially Oscar nominated role in The Expendables, Nogueira is a match-up that makes sense for him — so we’ll likely get to see that fight anyway.

There’s no arguing that the first encounter between Lesnar and Mir was some of the most exciting 90 seconds of action seen all year. Similarly, a call girl told me that sleeping with me was the most exciting 90 seconds of her Christmas morning (Mom knew exactly what I wanted for the holidays).

Lesnar might not hold a black belt in jiu-jitsu or receive his boxing training from Freddie Roach, but the guy is still a wrestling powerhouse whose overall MMA game is coming along at a rapid pace. Let’s also not forget that the best Frank Mir we’ve ever seen showed up against Nogueira and thoroughly dominated the former PRIDE champion. Lesnar, on the other hand, was able to finish The Natural (Something Kim doesn’t have time for lately. Zinger!). Couture was outweighed by over 60 pounds but it was an impressive victory for Brock nonetheless.

Nogueira vs. Couture didn’t pan out for the finals of this little tournament but does that mean Lesnar vs. Mir is going to boring? Absolutely not. It might not be the MMA equivalent of Ali-Frazier but it should beat Bob Sapp vs. creepy Japanese anime character on the excitement scale (and you know you were pumped to watch that at 4am in your mother’s basement). Either way, both Lesnar vs. Mir and Nog vs. Couture feature a top level wrestler against a world class jiu-jitsu practitioner — with the difference being that both Lesnar and Mir possess greater knockout power than Couture or Nogueira.

In any case, if you’re not too pumped for this fight, you better start forcing yourself to be. In a few months time the UFC is going to start pimping this shit 24/7. It’s like going to a gentleman’s club in Chernobyl: you can sit there with a sour puss while your friends have fun with the deformed strippers — or you can cut the shit and enjoy the ride. A hand job from a bald 37 year old nuclear radiation victim with nineteen fingers and one eye is still better than most of the sex you’ve been getting.