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BJ Penn and Rory McDonald take it to the playground on Twitter

The great thing about being a kid is that you can hurl lame-ass, thoughtless insults around and no one takes you to task for it. “You’re a pizza face,” or “Hey look at fatso” are perfectly acceptable in the second grade. As we get older we’re expected to incorporate a little more creativity and wit into our verbal judo. That didn’t stop BJ Penn and Rory McDonald though from bringing it back to the kickball field with their recent Twitter beef.

Rory began with:

“200lbs and @bjpenndotcom thinks i care if hes in shape for the fight or not.”

Nothing out of line there. BJ responded in kind:

“Great!!! I freking love knocking out 200 pounders.”

Again, just talk. However, Rory got real juvenile in retort with a fat joke:

“Do u meen knockin back quarter pounders? Who r u kidding, certainly not yourself.”

Ok, starting to take it down a few levels. It was at this point BJ decided he’d had enough with the playful banter and needed to get downright raw:

“Quarter pounders?? Really pimple boy? I won’t even RNC (rear naked choke) you…afraid of all the pimples on your back.”

All I can say to that is DAYUM! It’s kind of a fucked up thing to say, actually, but hey Rory asked for it. Don’t start the fire if you can’t handle the heat. BJ’s bomb hit its mark. Back zits are nasty as shit, and the mere thought of a few exploding onto a fellow as he’s trying to apply a choke is enough to make me want to vomit. After that Rory came back with something weak about Penn being less of a threat now, blah, blah, whatever. I get it, man. I recently made fun of a female co-worker’s new haircut. She cut me down something vicious with an off-color remark about “bitch-tit.” Game. Set. Match. I was home that very night doing push-ups.

The MMA Twitter wars are absurd. We all know this, but I do find some humor in them. They humanize men who I tend to think more of, and in some small way that’s comforting. It’s comforting to know that men who can beat the living shit out of me with a dirty look can be every bit the immature jerk that I am.