Do you love mixed martial arts? Are you a religious fanatic? Does a tent form in your pants every time you see a mentally handicapped person? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions then I’ve got some news for you. WWE Films, the visionaries behind See?wmode=transparent” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen> “>The Marine, just completed production on Knucklehead, which is set to hit theaters Spring 2010, and will presumably hit the Wal-Mart bargain bin Summer 2010. Here’s the details, via FilmDrunk:
[In “Knucklehead”], WWE Superstar Paul “Big Show” Wight plays Walter Krunk, a 7-foot-tall, 440-pound naïve giant who was raised in the St. Thomas Orphanage and never left – until he takes to the road with Eddie and Mary.
Shortly after Eddie loses his new fighter and finds himself $50,000 in debt to longtime nemesis and bookie Memphis Earl (DENNIS FARINA), he discovers Walter, a bumbling life-long resident of the orphanage-turned-handyman with his own debt problems: The kitchen fire Walter caused will close down the church’s orphanage in a week unless he comes up with $50,000. Upon overhearing Walter’s predicament, Eddie convinces the no-nonsense head nun, Sister Francesca (WENDY MALICK) that Walter can win the $100,000 grand prize at the tournament to pay off the church’s debts. But in order to do so, he will need to take Walter on the road, enter amateur fights along the way, and teach him how to become a real fighter.
I’m pretty sure I know how the pitch meeting on this one went down:
EXEC #1: This ultimate fighting stuff seems to be all the rage with the kids these days. How could we possibly exploit the shit out of it?
EXEC #2: Well, people like this fighting stuff … and people also go to church sometimes…
EXEC #3: What the hell are you talking about? Sometimes I think you’re legitimately retarded. Seriously.
EXEC #2: That’s it! You’re a genius! Fights, church, and retards! We’ll make an absolute killing!
EXEC #1: Shit. Let’s start pre-production NOW. Somebody get me a latte.
EXEC #3: (puts gun in mouth, pulls trigger)