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All judges hate Clay Guida

Yes, this post is a bit stale … I’d planned on writing this post a while back. Ya know, back around when the Guida-Aurelio fight actually happened. But better late than never, as my parole officer always says. Actually, she says “If you’re late again I’ll throw you back in jail”. Fucking bitch. Little does she know I’ll never go back in … I’ll fucking kill her and I’ll fucking kill everyone else at the police station before I go back.

Anyways, Clay Guida and Marcus Aurelio engaged in fisticuffs at the previous UFC74, resulting in a decision win for the scrappy Clay. While the fight didn’t exactly set the world on fire, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time because I was finally witnessing a first in the UFC: a decision involving Clay Guida where there was no possible way he could get fucked over! Clay clearly controlled the fight, pushing Marcus around the ring like his bitch and landing strikes continuously through the match. Aurelio seemed like he forgot to train any takedowns and couldn’t mount any kind of offensive. There was no way the judges were going to give him this fight. Or so I thought.

Split decision. Yep, that’s right. In a fight where Clay clearly dominated from start to finish, he still almost lost on the judges’ scorecards. It seems to me like crotchety old judges around the world are sending a clear message to Clay: Cut your damn hair, you filthy hippy. And that’s more than a joke, too. Every time Clay gets punched or nearly punched, it looks way worse than it is because his hair is flopping all over the place. It’s a standard pro wrestler trick: long hair makes it easier to fake being punching. Of course, this isn’t pro wrestling and Clay Guida isn’t trying to trick people into thinking he’s getting hit. So the hair works as a very real disadvantage for the gritty wrestler.

In conclusion, I really don’t know what to say here. Cutting Clay Guida’s hair would be like covering Michaelangelo’s David’s penis. It’s just wrong! You have to let beauty fly free, be it in the form of greasy hair or tiny cocks.

  • hankd says:

    LMAO…man, I thought the same damn thing when I finally got around to watching this one over the weekend…

    WTF!!! It’s just a matter of time before this happens in a huge fight and people are going to have a shit fit…

  • steve24 says:

    I never got to see the fight but would have love to.

  • … 2 bucks!

    Or 60 bucks for 6 months. Best investment I ever made. The prelims are often just as good if not better than the main card!

  • penxv says:

    My probation officer is friends with my mother… so at least I have that part of my life in a choke hold.

    And I won’t kill anyone… but I’d flee the state in a heartbeat. Fuck jail… seriously.

  • Ryan says:

    If you start watching UFCs at sports bars, it more than pays for the On Demand. Or, for the less scrupulous, starting a few UFCs ago people have been torrenting the prelims too. While I would never engage in such immoral behavior, it does seem like the shaft when one pays $40 only to have their time wasted by Goldie’s incessant rambling, Rogan’s fighter-fellatioing, and advertisements/interviews with celebrity morons…

  • hankd says:

    Within a couple hrs of the un-aired fights hitting UFC In Demand, they’re ripped to sites all over the place…

    UFC 74 – the 3 undercards that didn’t air (high quality wmv’s)

    Guida vs Aurelio

    Babalu vs Heath

    Mir vs Hardonk

  • el feo says:

    Posts like this are why I love this website. You funny bastard.
    You’re absolutely right. The hair is Guida’s calling card. He’s like Samson running around in the ring. And I have an affinity for hippies, if only to laugh at how funny and unhinged fascists get even thinking about them…and to find out who’s got the herb.
    I’m picturing Guida taking a punch and flying over the octagon wall ala “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig. That guy knew how to sell a beating.
    Guida’s gotta learn to FINISH a fight, then he won’t have to even worry about it!

  • I mentioned in another post that Clay needs to diversify his attacks … he calls chokes his ‘bread and butter’, but honestly … how likely are you to choke out the top guys at LW?

  • LOL says:

    We’re really glad that our tax dollars aren’t keeping you in a cell anymore …