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Affliction play by play right here

Here we go, it’s 8PM so let’s jump right into it!

8:00PM : Strike one, four minutes in … they start the show with Buentello vs Goodridge in … ROUND 2? Editing fights is the most annoying shit in the history of the universe.



These guys are circling and striking. Gary gets a good overhand which rocks Paul and then goes for a takedown. Now the announcers are lying and claiming that Goodridge was a ‘reserve’ of some sort rather than a good luck last second replacement. Gary continues to push against Paul and go for the takedown. With a minute left they seperate and return to the middle of the ring. Paul is throwing jabs and Goodridge returns with lower kicks to the leg and a front kick to the belly.

Paul moves in and starts throwing some serious leather. Gary is getting pushed back with punches and Paul is looking close to finishing but he lets off on the pressure and Gary recovers. The round ends.


Herb Dean spends some time janitoring Paul’s corner because “Paul puked”. Paul moves out and pushes Gary into the corner. Gary answers with a bunch of kicks but then ends up in the clinch. He can’t really get anything done so they separate again. Paul starts unloading and has Gary phased again but ties him up into the clinch again. Gary is trying to throw inside elbows and Paul pulls out of the clinch.

With 2 minutes left the fighters trade jabs and leg kicks. 1 minute left, the pace has slowed down quite a bit. Gary throws a big punch which unbalances him and Paul moves in and clinches up with Gary, unloading knees. They separate with Gary still trapped in the corner. As the round ends, Paul unloads with punches, nothing damaging but it looks good.

My scorecard: Buentello

8:20PM And here we go for the decision … and yay, it’s nothing but a replay of the moment they raise Buentello’s arm. No scores, no nothing. That’s kinda annoying.

WINNER: PAUL BUENTELLO (DECISION – who knows the scores or if it was unanimous?)

They now switch to a screen of the empty ring with the fighter’s stats listed and then 20 seconds of strange static.

Vitor runs towards the ring before realizing it’s not a very long run. His music has barely gotten started and he’s already right there. They cut to Terry Martin’s intro video and he mumbles through the whole thing so I have no idea what he said. But you can’t beat coming out to MJ’s “Beat It”. Dana should have kept him in the UFC just for that.

Ring announcer Michael Williams? What happened to Michael Buffer?



Oh wait, another commercial break. Sure we just had one after they walked into the ring, but hey … why not.

Okay, we’re back. The staredown is intense as Terry gets right up in Vitor’s face. The fighters circle and try to figure out their distances. Vitor throws a nice kick to the mid-body and Terry responds with some strikes that don’t land. With 4 mins left Terry shoots but Vitor stuffs it and presses Terry against the ring. People start to boo so they seperate and start jabbing at eachother.

3 mins left. Martin keeps walking forward with jabs until he gets Vitor into the corner and then throws some leather. Vitor ducks under, ties up and pushes Terry against the ring. Again, people boo so Vitor backs off and they circle again. Terry lands a good overhand right that wobbles Vitor but doesn’t follow up. 2 minutes left and they’re still bouncing around in the middle of the ring throwing jabs. Terry ducks in and lands a decent one, no phasing Vitor.

1 minute left. Martin continues to move forward and throw but isn’t landing. Vitor isn’t really doing anything. He’s kinda acting a bit Machida-ish, but without the counterattack you need to win rounds. 20 seconds left. Nothing happens, round ends.

My scorecard: Martin 10-9


Vitor comes out a bit more aggressive after getting upbraided by Randy Couture and Shawn Tompkins. Martin is throwing his punches out there trying to catch Belfort as he’s coming in for his own strikes. Martin pushes the pace a bit now and throws some heavy strikes, tying up with Belfort and then throwing him off physically. 4 mins left. Martin steps in with a punch and trips a bit. Belfort answers with a kick but Martin catches his foot and takes him down to the mat.

Belfort gets back up and they’re circling again. 2:30 left to go and Martin continues to chase Belfort. Vitor comes in with a flying knee and whacks Martin. Martin is dazed and Vitor pushes the pace, throwing some punches and then unleashes a hardcore uppercut which wastes Martin. Hit him right on the ‘Leben button’.


8:45PM Vitor mentions in the post fight interview that he thinks he broke his hand in the first round. I guess they’re not gonna try and stuff another fight into the pre-show because now they’re just stuffing things full of interviews etc. Now they’ve rolled out Randy Couture. Jake thinks he’s wearing makeup … foundation etc. I do admit he does look more youthful.

8:55PM The announcers cautiously ask if this “New Vitor” is as good as “Old Vitor”. Frank Trigg mentions the fact that Vitor was essentially losing the fight till he threw that knee. They’re now talking about Fedor’s hips in an almost sexual context.

Now onto the sell to try and get people to buy the PPV, so we’re switching over to the real show now. And here we are! Oh joy, Affliction commercials featuring Ozzy, Megadeath, GSP, and some scary goth mime.

9:00PM And here’s Michael Buffer, shouting “Lets get ready to rumble!” And dear god, it’s Megadeth. I’m gonna go take a piss, be back in 5 minutes.

These guys are really rocking out. I think the lead singer has taken a few steps around the stage thus far. You know who they should have gotten? AC/DC. There’s a band that rocks a fucking show.

The fighters are starting to walk down the runway, lining up alongside eachother kinda PRIDE style, but since the ramp is just a … well, it’s a ramp … it’s not all that epic like it is in Japan.

Song is over, and now we go into the title screen. No Gladiator, just an upside down Fleur De Lys fest. The graphics are pretty good thus far, kinda a ‘flying into a lightning storm’ photo motif. Now a cut to the arena and it’s looking pretty damn full.   No fucking around, these guys are going right into a fight: Mike Pyle vs JJ Ambrose. No walk ins played, they go right into the ring with Buffer announcing the fighters.



Ambrose throws heavy and shoots in, tangling up with Pyle in the corner of the ring. He throws some knees into Pyle’s gut. Pyle spins him into the ring but Ambrose pushes him back into the corner and continues with knees. Pyle adjusts his grip into a body lock and takes him down. Oh shit, Pyle in mount and now Ambrose rolls over face down. Pyle throwing some strikes and now flattens Ambrose out. Ambrose rolls back over and he’s got an armchoke, but Ambrose defends until Pyle lets go. Abrose is face down again and now Pyle is going for the rear naked choke but Ambrose defending. 2:30 left in the fight.

Ambrose is still face down on the mat covering up. Pyle goes for the RNC again and now locks it in.


9:15 They just said “Affliction” 10 times in the span of 30 seconds. AND THEY JUST DID IT AGAIN. Affliction Affliction Affliction Affliction. This would be an insane drinking game if you don’t mind the alcohol poisoning that would ensue.

9:20 So far so good, the show isn’t horrible. Announcing isn’t too annoying past Frank Trigg predicting the end of fights, which is a pet peeve of mine. The camera angles are a bit strange sometimes, you get the feeling the show is being filmed by boxing cameramen because there are times they don’t even show you the guys’ legs. Past that the graphics and transitions etc are a bit eh, but this is a first time so I’m cutting them some slack.

Actually, here’s another issue: they’re masturbating the card non-stop – and Affliction.

Cut to Edwin Dewees looking like a fatty fat fat in the face, talking about how he’s been training like he’s “King of the World”, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Dewees comes in to the Conan soundtrack. Is that Joe Riggs in his corner? They must have met at the “Crappy Bleach-Blonde Fighters Club”

Lil Nog talks about what happens when “the fight goes to this mat” … I love how Brazilians conjugate the English language. Man, the walk-ins for Affliction make the UFC’s entrances look like Pride entrances.



Respectful facedown with the ref, and here we go. Trigg again saying Dewees is gonna be toast. I know it’s probably going to happen, but still … how about not dismissing the fighters right off the bat? Wait a minute or two till he gets KO’ed? Edwin is throwing a lot of leg kicks and staying on the outside. Nog is still managing to hop in and lands crosses, nothing doing too much damage. Oh, and now Edwin is in the corner and he leans against the ropes and throws a high kick. Now Nog comes in and Edwin turns him against the ropes and has underhooks in. They seperate with 3 mins left.

Edwin with more kicks and now a high kick which looked pretty good. Ooh, Nog lands a punch and Dewees goes down. Nog comes in and gets on top, throwing punches. Edwin looks like he considered giving up but now he’s set up the guard and throwing his legs around. The announcers continue to give Edwin not one iota of respect. “He’s not gonna submit a BJJ black belt like Nog” … tell that to Roan Carniero.

1:30 left, Nog comes in with a nice knee. Edwin goes into the corner again and now he’s caught in a mean clinch and is eating knees and now burtal punches. And now more knees. And now more punches. Dewees drops like a ton of bricks but Herb doesn’t stop it! Nog keeps punching and Edwin decides after a few seconds to go fetal and the fight ends


9:30 Lil Nog ‘bog bog bogs’ with his big flappy fish mouth. Frank Trigg is practically fellating Nog in the post-fight interview. Things are getting a little bit fuckshow, with several transition shots being blown and 10 second periods of dead audio air. They go back to Big John for no apparent reason and he whispers through a story about Arlovski getting tapend up. More silence, and now we’re on to Fabio Negao vs Matt Lindland.



Surprise surprise, Frank Trigg is all about calling the guy he doesn’t think will win a total bum. Talk about a buzzkill. Negao looks like he’s about to fall asleep as they announce him.

Lindland looks intense in the staredown. Negao … sleeeeeepy. Now he’s giving a face like “Eeeh, I don’t really feel like this”

Negao is jumping all over, and just got caught with a hard punch from Lindland. Lindland slides in under him as he falls and grabs his neck in a guillotine. He rolls Negao over and holds that shit tight. Negao pushes back and now they go top over and Lindland flips Negao back onto his back and tightens the choke. Negao ain’t giving up, even though his tongue is practically sticking out. Negao escapes! Lindland is now on top in Negao’s butterfly guard with 3 mins left.

Lindland is working Negao’s ribs and now throwing punches at Negao’s face. He now throws a double hammer, apparently trying to be a bit more entertaining. Glazer says “That’s why the fans love him” Everyone who remembers Matt back in the day goes “Huh?” Negao is using his body well to push and pull Lindland in and out, fucking with his strikes. Lindland stands up and then throws Negao’s legs and drops a heavy blow on Negao’s face. 1 minute left.

Lindland grinds Negao with elbows and then Negao pushes Lindland off with his legs and stands back up. They seperate and Mat Lindland is following Negao around throwing nice shots. The round ends.

My Scorecard: Lindland 10-9


Lindland pushes Negao against the ring but Negao circles away into the middle of the ring whacking Lindland with an elbow. Lindland seems a bit fucked up now, or gassed. Lindland is pretty easy with a sloppy headbutt and now these guys are throwing mad leather, tagging eachother. Negao is coming out on top and now he takes Lindland’s leg but gives it up when Lindland throws elbows to his head. 3 minutes left.

Lindland sweeps Negao’s legs out from under him and presses him right into the corner and is dropping elbows on Negao’s face. More and more elbows ans Negao tries to do something with his legs to create space. Matt lands two really good elbows … three… four. Negao is effectively stuck. Lindland gets up, controls the feet and then drops a big punch with bodyweight behind it but it’s not seeming to phase Negao. 1 minute left.

Negao has closed guard on Lindland. Now the ref is turning the fighters around and Lindland just ignored him and they’re back to fighting. Good control there ref. The round ends.

My Scorecard: Lindland 10-9


Negao throws legkicks and Lindland lands some lazy strikes, he seems to be a bit tired. Lindland throws a body kick and moves in to strike but Negao runs across the ring to avoid getting pinned against the ropes. Lindland pushes him into another corner and now shoots for Negao’s legs. Negao goes for a choke and Matt lets the takedown go to escape it. They seperate and strike in the center of the ring with 3 mins left.

Lindland is connecting with strikes but he’s just not putting mustard behind them. Negao isn’t doing too well either, his hands are way down. Negao steps in with a knee, but it’s tired. I thought it was the heavyweights who were supposed to gas. More tired strikes thrown and now Lindland shoots. Negao shoves him off. Negao lands a good kick on Lindland’s side and Lindland takes the opportunity to shoot and take Negao into the ropes. Negao falls out and lands right on Esther Lin’s lap, banging his head on the wood and missing her camera by inches.

After about 30 seconds, they get back into the ring and continue fighting. Half a minute left and they’re in the corner. Lindland is throwing punches and Negao is trying to get something done with knees. They split and Lindland puts his hands on his knees with 10 seconds left. The bell sounds, fight is over.

My Scorecard: 10-9 Lindland

30-26, 30-27, 30-27 for Matt Lindland


10:00 There’s a shitload of static going on with the post-fight interviews. Lindland blames the ringrust on being gassed (not the fact that he didn’t expect the fight to go past the first round).

Nice, only 8 minutes since the last fight and they’re rolling right into the next one. No bullshit between the fights is a good thing.



Goddamn, Babalu looks like he’s been smoking crack for the past 3 months. He’s looking pretty mean til he has trouble figuring out how to climb through the ring ropes. He’s looking a bit soft in the midsection too, surprising since he weighed in at 201. And here we go!

They start the fight out throwing some big hooks. Now Babalu mixes it up with a brutal leg kick that landed right on the knee. Whitehead ties him up and pushes him into the ropes and now into the corner. Babalu is throwing small knees as Mike basically leans against him, trying it seems to push THROUGH him. They split with 3 mins left.

Babalu ducks under a punch and tries to take Whitehead down. Mike resists and pushes him off. They’re stepping in and striking again, no damage being done on either side, and it’s pretty even thus far with effectiveness. Again Babalu ducks under a big overhead strike and tries to take Whitehead down. Whitehead pushes him off and now presses Babalu against the ropes. Now into the corner again. More knees from Babalu. This is some deja vu going on right now. They split with 1 minute left.

Whitehead lands a nice uppercut but Babalu shrugs it off. Babalu throws a kick and Whitehead moves in and presses Babs against the ring. They seperate and Babalu jumps in and takes Mike down. Mike gets right back up though and starts throwing as the round ends.

My Scorecard: 10-9 Whitehead, although it was really really close


They’re throwing more strikes and then Whitehead shoots and pushes Babalu right across the ring to bounce against the ropes. I hold my breath waiting for someone to pop out but it doesn’t happen. Whitehead slides Babs into the corner and ties him up until Babalu pushes him off. They’re back in the middle of the ring again. Babalu throws a high kick that misses by a mile. Babalu throws a strike and Whitehead drops under and shoots, pushing Renato against the ring and then dumping him on the ground. 3 minutes left.

Whitehead’s on top and Babalu is keeping a light closed guard. The ref stops the guys and turns them around towards the middle of the ring and now they’re twisting back towards the exact same pisition from before. Now Babalu has something going on, he was working on some sort of armlock but nothing comes of it. They’re now back up against the ropes and Babalu upkicks Whitehead illegally. Now the ref just restarted the fight on the feet for some reason. Fucking rings. 1 min left.

Babalu ties Whitehead up against the ring and is throwing knees. Man, these announcers are sucking Babalu’s cock. The round ends

My Scorecard: 10-9 Whitehead


Babalu’s corner tells him to “stop fucking around with this prick”. Babalu is putting more aggression in now. He throws a high kick and Whitehead shoots in and pushes Babalu out through the ropes. Babalu had Whitehead in a guillotine but the ref breaks it up and stands them back up in the middle of the ring. Babalu pushes Whitehead against the ropes and is throwing blows, but they’re not doing much. Neither of these guys has the power to rock eachother. Whitehead shoots in and pushes Babalu out of the ropes again. Again, the guillotine, and again the restart. RINGS ROCK, MAN!

And now they’re trying to ‘fix the ropes’ for about 30 seconds before the fight continues. Whitehead lands a nice uppercut and now Whitehead shoots in again and takes Babalu down. Once again he’s in a guillotine but it’s not deep at all, despite what the announcers are ejaculating about. I’m blown away at how hardcore they’re on Babalu’s dick. Babalu just caught Whitehead in some strange something or other, props on the announcers for not telling us what’s going on. Whitehead escapes and the ref steps in and stands them back up with 1 minute left.

Babalu seems to have finally woke up, he’s throwing kicks and punches but he’s not being aggressive enough for someone who may or may not have another round on the scorecards. He shoots in and tries to take Whitehead down but Whitehead has his arm in the rope. The round ends.

My Scorecard: 10-9 Babalu

Ah, so that move Babalu did was called a ‘superplata’? Or at least according to Trigg, who I don’t trust at all on shit like that.

Here comes the judge’s decision. All three see it 30-27 Renato Babalu Sobral


10:36 Nice, it’s the featherweights! They turn the camera onto Donald Trump sitting next to Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson.



Hominick is rocking the GSP hotpants. Mark pushing aggressive around the cage, throwing nice strikes that are landing but not doing too much damage. Savant is waiting and throwing power shots, none landing so far but it’s keeping Mark on his toes. Ooh, nice superman punch by Young. Young keeps throwing his hands out just to feint, and he tries to tie up Hominick but Hominick throws hm off. 2:30 left.

Mark continues to push Savant around the ring and pepper him with shots while Savant replies with solid strikes. It’s kinda looking like a sparring bout … they never really engage past their combinations. 1 minute left, Hominick continues to control the pace and Savant continues to throw crazy hooks that miss by a mile. Hominick moves in and Young knocks him back with a solid body blow. A few more wild punches from Savant Young and the bell sounds.

My Scorecard: Mark Hominick 10-9


They cut to Fedor playing cards in the backroom, looking somewhat bored. Then again, he always looks bored. I’m bored. This fight is boring thus far. Savant is being a bit more agressive this time, walking forward and throwing instead of responding to Mark’s punches. More of the same, more of the same, Savant throws a decent leg kick, and now shoots and grabs a leg. He adjusts to a body lock, lifts Hominick, twists, and down they go with 3 mins left.

Now we’ve got Savant on top throwing elbows in Mark’s guard. Mark nearly reverses Savant but Savant maintains top, but now he’s stuck in a dangerous position, with Hominick nearly landing a triangle. Savant lifts him up and drops him, then gets on top and throws more leather to the face. They’re in the corner and Hominick is keeping a high guard but Young stands up and is throwing punches down. He’s a bit sloppy and Hominick catches an arm and goes for an armbar. Savant escapes but ends up in another sloppy triangle. Hominick finally pulls the foot under the knee and Savant rolls onto his side trying to escape. Hominick transfers to an armbar and Savant taps.


11:00 And we’re back to Megadeth. Bathroom break time!

11:05 Jay Glazer tries to set up a transition into the fighter intros three times but whoever’s supposed to do that is asleep at the switch. Finally, it goes into the video. For a pro wrestler, Josh Barnett’s trash talking sure is weak sometimes. He says everything with a little smile on his face like he’s way too amused with what he’s saying.



The magic word for this fight is ‘violent’. They’ve said it several times thus far. I also like how Frank Trigg has no fucking clue what catch wrestling is all about.

Josh lands a nice quick jab which pops Rizzo’s head back. They’re circling in the middle of the ring, faking eachother out. Rizzo lands his own strike that has Josh jerking downwards. Josh with a front kick which pushes Rizzo back, and another one. Now he shoots and ties up with Rizzo but Rizzo shrugs him off and they go back to the center of the ring. Josh fakes the shot. Now he throws a spinning back kick which lands inneffectually on Rizzo’s armpit. 3 minutes left.

They continue to jab in the center of the ring. Barnett is stepping in and landing small strikes. People are starting to get rowdy, and there’s a quick wave of boos. Barnett shoots in and Rizzo tosses him off. Rizzo is trying to counter off Josh’s punches with big crosses and hooks. The round ends.

My Scorecard: Josh Barnett 10-9

I just saw a glimpse of a ring girl. Why no boobie love for us viewers? Barnett comes in more aggressive trying to catch Rizzo but Rizzo again circles out and escapes. Pedro is starting to throw more strikes and be more aggressive. Barnett steps in to try and grab a hold of Rizzo but Rizzo slips out of his reach. Holy SHIT! Josh Barnett just knocked Rizzo out with a nice left hook. Rizzo falls flat on his back like he got fucking shot dead.


Josh Barnett is so excited he shadow boxes with the staff in the ring. When Rizzo finally gets back up, Josh takes him around the ring pimping him to the crowd.

11:22 Josh takes Big John to task for saying if it was kept on the feet Rizzo would win.



They come out aggresive with Ben throwing some hard punches and Andrei answering with leg kicks. They tie up and throw a few knees into the thighs before seperating. Andrei pushes Rothwellinto the corner and is trying some dirty boxing. They seperate and Andrei gets a nice overhand right. Andrei throws anice leg kick and Rothwell answers by storming forward and throwing some punches. They tie up on the ropes and Rothwell is working the legs trying to snag and trip Arlovski. Arlovski pulls them back into the corner and they both throw knees with 2:30.

Arlovski trips Rothwell and is now on tom in Rothwell’s guard. Rothwell rolls out and Arlovski goes for a heel hook. Rothwell defends and then pulls apart and they get back to their feet. Rothwell pushes Arlovski up against the ropes and they wrestle on the feet. Arlovski pushes him off and throws a punch. Arlovski is trhowing some good punches and seems to have Rothwell hurt a bit. He’s pushing Rothwell across the ring with his strikes but then backs off and lets Rothwell recover with 30 seconds left.

Rothwell seems more tentative now as Arlovski lets loose with kicks. The round ends with Rothwell stepping in and letting some strikes go.

My Scorecard: 10-9 Arlovski


Arlovski feints with strikes and lets a few short leg kicks out. Rothwell chases Arlovki now but Arlovski answers with accurate strikes. Now Arlovski has Ben rocked again and Rothwell is stuck against the ropes taking strikes. Now Arlovski takes Ben down and is in insta-mount. Rothwell does good job of bumping Arlovski off and getting back to guard. They’re pushed right up against the ropes and Rothwell is trying to punch off his back while arlovski works Rothwell’s body. The ref turns them back into the ring with 3 minutes left to go.

Rothwell’s got a cut, it’s not bleeding too bad. Arlovski goes for the heelhook, which was dumb because now Rothwell is on top in Arlovski’s guard. Rothwell drops a nice elbow and another one. Arlovski is doing a good job of controlling Ben’s punches and dodging. Rothwell is going for the money shot, throwing singular big punches. They’re up against the ropes again and the ref turns them back into the center of the ring with 1 minute left.

And now the ref is standing them back up with 20 seconds left. Rothwell is looking like shit with lots of blood all over. Arlovski comes forward uber agressive with tons of punches and a jumping flying knee. The round ends and yeah … Arlovski just won that round back.

My Scorecard: 10-9 Arlovski


Rothwell is pushing forward with punches and then goes for the love hug, keeping his head low and pushing Arlovski into the corner. Arlovski pops out and throws a knee. There’s blood on the camera and Arlovski lands a one-two combo which takes Rothwell out. It’s over.


11:55 They’ve got a highlight loop going, which was cool the first two times, but now it’s played through 4 times and it’s getting pretty annoying. Now they’re doing a celebrity role call: Steve Austin, The Undertaker, some NHL guy, James Toney, Korn, Don Johnson, Bill Goldberg, Rob Schnieder, Randy Couture (nice roll there Buffer), Manny Ramirez, the Deal or No Deal girls, Donald Trump Jr, Jenna Jameson, Tito Ortiz, and Donald Trump. Aw, there’s Michael Madsen in the background and they didn’t even bother to announce him. BURN.

12:00 Megadeth bathroom break.

12:05 Big John says Timmy has been working on his BJJ so he can try and ‘take the fight to Fedor’. He gets to the ring looking uber goofy in an Affliction shirt and track pants. Then he takes off his shirt and it’s pasty city.

12:10 Fedor comes in looking like my 60 year old uncle on the way to the beach in his speedo.



Neither fighter looks at the other in the eyes during the ref’s setup. Here we go. Tim uses his reach to jab. Fedor Jumps in and Fedor unleashes some brutal pounding. Timmy goes down in a heap and covers up. Fedor climbs on his back and chokes him out. It’s fucking over. Timmy taps.