8 more ways to fix the IFL
Submitted by fightlinker on November 2, 2007 - 3:32pm
Fightlinker reader Prozac for Life beats me out on the funny-meter with his top eight suggestions for fixing the IFL. I made a slight tweak to one idea in order to meet federal requirements for homosexual references on this site.
- Nullify UFC's Roger Huerta effect and beat the UFC into Mexico. Appease the locals with familiar customs, perhaps settling fights that are too close to be called with the use of blindfolds and piñata sticks.
- Ben Rothwell in a wig to kickstart the IFL women's division.
- Take Japan's "freakshow fight fixation" to the next level. Forget Giant Silva, Hong-man Choi, and Zulu. How about a perturbed grizzly bear vs a full class of over-caffeinated preschool toddlers?
- Distribute beachballs to the audience for a more festive atmosphere.
- Nothing generates publicity like a sex tape scandal. Maybe it's time for Bart Palaszewski to get caught in the act with Chris Horodecki and take one for the team. This guarantees better sales than the IFL's "Knockouts" DVD, especially if Chris does his "Polish Hummer" move.
- 1-up the UFC and move to a 9-sided cage; "Let's get it on in the nonagon!"
- Make the fighting area somewhat resemble an obstacle course, perhaps even containing a number of trick mirrors and a moat.
- Double the number of people interested in the IFL by getting women to watch it; somehow infuse it with babies, celebrity dancing, tampons, and romance while keeping it action-packed.
November 2, 2007 - 3:43pm
#2
Number three was already done in the Bible. The bears won every round.
November 2, 2007 - 3:53pm
#3
It takes a strong man to admit that Fightlinker.
November 2, 2007 - 4:05pm
#4
Many thanks for sprucing up my sex tape scandal suggestion and even making a post out of a comment! LoL @ the "Polish hammer"
November 2, 2007 - 4:09pm
#5
polish hUmmer ;-)
November 2, 2007 - 4:14pm
#6
Like giving the cutmen epinephrine-soaked tampons instead of Q-tips?
I guess it only makes sense to combine our bloody-gash drying technologies.
November 2, 2007 - 4:14pm
#7
The nonagon...that's great.
November 2, 2007 - 4:17pm
#8
Add a blindfolded pinata on a pole match and you got me
November 2, 2007 - 5:35pm
#9
The women idea is great. Have the IFL buy out a bingo hall and that would raise the age gap even greater than they have. 64+ age increase and stock might go up (retireies fund).
November 2, 2007 - 5:52pm
#10
I hear funeral homes are popular also.
November 2, 2007 - 5:56pm
#11
The mortician can take bets for casket upgrades.
November 2, 2007 - 6:35pm
#12
How about a moat with alligators and an electrified fence!!!
Oh wait... that was an idea that the founders of the UFC wanted to implement, my bads, not original.
November 2, 2007 - 6:40pm
#13
Not to spoil the mood, but on a more serious note there is one thing they could do which they just did: Invite Randy Couture to show up to their Grand Prix. He will be cornering one of the Xtreme Couture fighters. I believe that means the tit-for-tat game just went 3 dimensional.
BTW, your blog is hilarious.
November 2, 2007 - 7:04pm
#14
What if the IFL sponsored a Nick Diaz Smoke Off...I mean according the the chairman, Dr. Tony Alamo of the NSAC, marijuana does numb the pain. Maybe if we pass out some bongs, blunts, joints, and one hitters to numb the pain for the audience and fans, these IFL events could get very interesting.... or silly or just dumb as shit. Oh wait, they already accomplished that.....
November 2, 2007 - 7:26pm
#15
FL, you guys see they finished making the 78 card? They added Marcus Aurelio vs Luke Caudillo & Joe Lauzon vs Jason Reinhardt. Marcus should make a good showing.
November 2, 2007 - 7:36pm
#16
I hope so ... my only exposure to Maximus was his loss to Gomi and Guida ... aka BOOOO!
And Matthew, your book looks interesting, I'mma gonna try and pick it up in a week or two.
November 2, 2007 - 7:41pm
#17
True enough, I remember a win over Gomi as well though. Sometimes people are just off.
November 2, 2007 - 7:46pm
#18
I decided to look up Marcus's record. Did you know 4 out of his 5 loses come by way of split decision? The guys tough man.
November 2, 2007 - 8:09pm
#19
I need to buy some new books as well. Need more toilet paper for my itchy asshole. After that I can read some more blogs.
November 2, 2007 - 10:40pm
#20
hey I've been wanting to read "American Shaolin" too. Fightlinker Book Club!!
November 2, 2007 - 10:53pm
#21
Fightlinker Book Club just gave Jake "The Idiot's Guide to Ultimate Fighting". He'll be reviewing it for next week's low blow.
November 3, 2007 - 7:22am
#22
I was hoping you'd do a post on the fact that Rich Franklin "wrote" the UFC's Idiot Guide. Alas, "Don't fight a rematch against Anderson Silva on your wife's birthday in your hometown" was not chapter one.
November 3, 2007 - 11:45am
#23
November 5, 2007 - 1:57am
#24
Yeah..fightlinker...is their a chapter on the clinch in their... interested to know. If anybody needed to go to Thailand for some advanced Muay Thai work Rich is the one. But I guess Wyoming was a better choice in his head.
November 6, 2007 - 3:51pm
#25
[...] IFL president and general MMA virgin Jay Larkin stated in a conference call last week that the IFL was planning on moving away from their schlocky animal related team affiliations to [...]
"nonagon" has a real marketable ring to it