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Xyience taste test gone wrong

This has been a rough week so far. Monday night we recorded the Low Blow and had the stupid idea of mixing Bowes piss beer with Xyience ‘premium’ energy drink. Not only was I up until 3am shaking like Michael J Fox, but the next day I had to take off work because of:

  • Volcanic hot diarrhea that lasted from 8:43AM – 11:17AM
  • Singed anus tips from said diarrhea
  • Green tinged urine
  • Headaches
  • Cramps
  • Dreams that I had sex with Tito Ortiz and his vagina was not tight at all

Overall it was a very disturbing experience and I would tell people to watch the fuck out for Xyience, but they might sue me for it.

**UPDATE** In addition to correcting the spelling of diarrhea, I’ve also got a report from Jake on his Xyience experience:

1. my heart pounded like a jackhammer until about 4 am
2. Rubbed it out 3 times, but could not kill my erection
3. Muscle spasms
4. Urge to kill Fedor.

Well, there you have it folks. Not too dissimilar to Ryan’s own experiences. Next time I have one though, if i do, I’ll be sure to have someone of the soft skin, and sweet smelling hair variety.

13 COMMENTS
  • bmiller says:

    Who in the hell keeps track of the exact minute when your hot diahrreah starts and stops. do you sit there on the toilet with a stop watch or what??

  • Jemaleddin says:

    Next experiment: Xyience and DrNatura! There’s nothing quite like energy drinks and colon cleansers.

  • kentyman says:

    Hence the old saying, “There’s more than one way to misspell diarrhea.”

  • nem0 says:

    When the shittin’ gets that bad, you keep track. Just like any life event that’s horrendously traumatizing.

    That said, I’ve never had issues with Xyience. But I’ve only tried the Clear flavor (which tastes a bit like diluted Diet Sprite mixed with Sugar-Free Red Bull and urine…)

  • kermit_01 says:

    Well when you think about it, your drinking something desgined to speed up your metabolism, which often gives you the poops. Add that to any kind of liquor– which thins the blood, your heart will race and increase blood flow to the extremities and raise your blood pressure. Which would cause the raging hard-on and headaches.

  • Lifer says:

    if i had been there with you i would have been the guy pulling the KenFlo with that bullshit beverage.

  • hbdale309 says:

    That joke was too soon. You know which one I’m referring to. In 10 yrs., after he’s dead and gone… but now, too soon.

  • Matt says:

    DOn’t buy that expensive shit, go to Big Lots (If they have those in Canada) and you can buy that garbage for like 40cents a can. It tastes like canned fart, but the nutrional label has some pretty good stuff in there.

  • steve24 says:

    The gods above have a lightning bolt with your name on it for the Fox comment.. LOL..
    My buddy Brian and I went to UFC 76. After that we went to a bar where Xyience was there giving free samples away. He’s never had it before and came down with the same symptons as you. He was bed ridden for 2 days. He said he was shittin blood.

  • I had shit in my blood too! But I always have shit in my blood too

  • ajadoniz says:

    was this concoction taken orally or intravenously through the eye?

  • Wendy O says:

    I HEARD THAT THE XYENERGY DRINKS SUCK ANYWAY!
    I ALSO HEARD THAT THE XYIENCE COMPANY HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN BY THE GOVERNMENT FOR RIPPING OFF PEOPLE.
    THE UFC SHOULD GET RID OF THEM FAST!

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